Well, it's about that time. Time for spring cleaning. I will admit up front that I am not a thorough spring cleaner. But I do clean in places that I don't normally clean.
1. Under/behind the couches and in the cushions. Okay, we do this more than once a year, but definitely in the spring. If you are one of the lucky ones who moves your couch and finds clean floor, wow, I am impressed. But, sadly I am not one of those lucky ones. There is everything from socks (maybe that's where they go...from the dryer to under the couch), to popsicle sticks, crumbs of many types, rubberbands, change, wrappers of many types, pencils, crayons, pens, paper clips, batteries, the battery cover for the remote and silverware.
2. Under the boys' bed. This is not fun. I have to wear gloves and a face mask. I have found some pretty interesting things under there. A block of cheese, for instance. With teeth marks in it. A knife. I am guessing they got the knife to cut the cheese, but decided that just biting into the cheese would be more efficient...as well as safer. I'm glad they've learned something! A jar of peanut butter with obvious finger dips. I have found very old used pull-ups. (This is why the face mask is a necessity.) Other non-identifiable food objects. BTW, I DO feed my children. Other objects I've found: the stapler (I've been looking for that), at least 2 pairs of scissors, a lot of paper with various drawings, pens, pencils, crayons, my mascara, (I've been looking for that too!), toothpaste, change, legos, socks, (another place they apparently hide), game pieces, game money, (no wonder we haven't been able to play a good game of Monopoly!), a lot of used tissue and books.
3. The car and the suburban. I keep a fairly clean house, (except for under furniture, apparently), but I'm not so good at keeping the car and the suburban clean. I don't give rides to friends because of this! Typically we have newspapers, baby toys, empty cups from fast food places and various other trash littering the floorboards.
4. Closets. I actually enjoy organizing closets. I'm more of an organizer than a cleaner. I might have a dirty stove top, but the game closet is organized. I might have soap scum in my shower, but my DVD's are in order.
5. Windows. I don't do windows. Any volunteers?
6. The carpet. In the past, we have both paid to have our carpet cleaned by a "professional" and John has cleaned it with a Rug Doctor that you can rent from the grocery store. The Rug Doctor does a better job. If the carpet in the tv room could talk...Wow! Anything you can imagine has been on that carpet, including: vomit, baby spit up, poop (baby and doggy), pee (baby and doggy), spilled drinks and spilled food.
7. Wiping down walls. This is what kids are for. They actually like doing this!
8. Cleaning out and organizing bathroom and kitchen cupboards. This isn't as fun as organizing a closet, but it is a close second. I recently got some new pots and pans for the kitchen, so I need to get rid of the old. For now, I just shove them all in the cupboard and slam the door closed. You always know when someone opens that cupboard, because you hear pots and pans clanking on the floor. As for the bathroom, I will gather all the hair accessories, go through my make up and throw out the old, organize the first-aid and clean out the closet. Why do I always find a book stashed there? Mark. We've made a rule for him only. NO pooping in the upstairs bathroom--poop and read downstairs!!!
9. Go through the kids' toys. This is an overwhelming task. How many McDonalds toys does a kid need? And why are there legos in the underwear drawer? I also take this opportunity to weed out the stuffed animals. They seem to multiply exponentially.
10. Clean the stroller. With warming weather, it is time to start going for walks. Winter time for me brings with it the winter blues. I am looking forward to being outside again! Hello spring! I love you!!
Cynthia
Monday, February 22, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Pets
Well, if having 1 husband and 6 children is not enough, we have 4 pets. That's right, 4. We have a bunny, a cat, a dog and a mouse. We first got our bunny. His name is Scissors.
Back in September of 2008, Micah and I were going for a walk. When we were turning a corner he said, "Look Mom! There's a bunny!" I didn't believe him and said, "Oh, okay." He insisted. So, finally I looked, and there was a bunny there living in the culvert. I tried to catch him, but couldn't. And honestly, if I did, what would I have done with him? Strap him in the stroller with Micah?
Later that night, I drove past the same spot with my kids and the bunny was still there. Mark got out and caught him. Scissors peed on him right there in the car! Well, to make the story short, we kept the bunny and named him Scissors. We call him that for two reasons. One reason is because his ears go back and forth in a scissor motion and the second reason we discovered later. He chews everything! We would let him out to run around a lot in our tv room before we knew what he was doing. He chewed through our telephone cord, the vacuum cord, and the treadmill cord. It's a wonder he didn't get zapped and die! He also enjoys any kind of paper and clothes, too. Scissors' cage is in the basment where the dirty laundry lives. If a basket of clothes is near his cage and he can reach it, he will take a nibble. Mark has a couple of shirts with holes, as does John. I have some holes in my favorite workout pants! Darn bunny.
Scissors is a pretty low maintenance pet. Change his cage, feed him, water him, and take him outside. Now, catching him is another matter. Our backyard is pretty big and there are a lot of spots he can hide. It can be very tiring to catch him! It takes at least 2 people to round Scissors up.
Scissors also likes to fling poo. Isn't that nice? I'll go down in the basement and there's poo, flung on the floor. Good thing bunny poo looks like coco puffs and is pretty formed. Hee hee. Gross, nevertheless.
Next, we got our cat, Socks. Oh, Socks. We got him the day before Mark's birthday in May of 2009. I just couldn't pass him up. Outside of Walmart, there he was, being given away. Little did I know he would have a shoe fetish. If you're wondering about this, see an earlier post entitled "Socks and Shoes".
Socks is pretty nice...to me, John and Lincoln. Mark really knows how to get him riled up and hyper. (Thanks, Mark). He hides under the kitchen table and attacks little feet that wander by, minding their own business. (I'm referring to the cat here, not Mark).
Socks can never make up his mind whether he wants to be inside or out. I have to force him outside at times when he is especially amorous with a blanket we have, or John's work boots. Yuck. He likes to snuggle with me, too, which is sweet. But the other day, I was napping on the couch and I opened my eyes and THERE HE WAS, JUST STARING AT ME, INCHES FROM MY NOSE. It freaked me out.
The funny thing about Socks is that he is so calm around Lincoln. Whenever Lincoln cries, Socks comes running, seemingly curious about what is going on and how he can help. He usual does help! Lincoln loves Socks. He smiles and giggles when he sees him. He grabs his ear, or his tail or just a handful of fur and Socks does nothing. It is the sweetest thing.
Next we have Pluto. Pluto is our Beagle. This was my bright idea. Now, when I pictured us having a dog, it was very different from reality. I pictured the dog running carefree in the backyard, the kids running along side him, squealing. I imagined the kids playing fetch and teaching him how to sit and roll over. I imagined taking the dog for walks and taking him camping. This dog was to be a part of our family. Nowhere in my imagintion did I picture poop, and lots of it!
But, Pluto does poop. Did I mention that he poops a lot? When he was little, we had him inside. It was in October of 2009, so it wasn't cold out yet. So after maybe a week, he ended up outside. I can handle baby poo, but not doggy poo. I felt sorry for him, so John built him a home inside our detached garage and cut out a doggy door. Pluto also has his very own heater! So, he is now an outside dog, with luxury. But, he still poops. It is really gross. Thankfully Savannah cleans it up. She is such a good helper.
It is so ironic that the dog was my idea, but I don't really like him. He's sweet, but he smells...like dog. Also, he likes to lick. Okay, do you know where his tongue has been? I'm sorry, but I don't want his tongue to touch me. I don't mind patting his head, but as soon as I do, he flips on his back and wants me to rub his belly. Ewwww!!! I try to be nice and what does he do? He turns over and spreads his legs! John may have me convinced to get a female Beagle. I don't want another dog, but maybe if Pluto gets his jollies, I can pat his head without him taking it the wrong way!
Finally we have a *shutter* a mouse. Yuck. Ewwwww. I mean, really, what can I say? His name is Stormy and he is a rodent and he is gross. Savannah tried to get me to warm up to him, so she held him up over my lap so I could see how cute he is. And then he pooped in my lap. Not a good first impression. He is in a cage and he is in Savannah's room and that is where he shall remain all the days of his life if we are to live in the same house.
Pets are good, though. My kids have learned how to clean litter boxes, scoop poop in the backyard, and clean bunny and mouse cages. They feed and water the pets. They play with the pets, too. It has given them responsibility over another living thing. I admit, there have been times when it hasn't gone very smooth. I have to get after them to care for the animals. But they thoroughly enjoy these creatures that have become a part of our family! And Pluto is now trained to sit, stay, fetch and shake! It is so sweet. Maybe I like him after all...just a little.
Cynthia
Back in September of 2008, Micah and I were going for a walk. When we were turning a corner he said, "Look Mom! There's a bunny!" I didn't believe him and said, "Oh, okay." He insisted. So, finally I looked, and there was a bunny there living in the culvert. I tried to catch him, but couldn't. And honestly, if I did, what would I have done with him? Strap him in the stroller with Micah?
Later that night, I drove past the same spot with my kids and the bunny was still there. Mark got out and caught him. Scissors peed on him right there in the car! Well, to make the story short, we kept the bunny and named him Scissors. We call him that for two reasons. One reason is because his ears go back and forth in a scissor motion and the second reason we discovered later. He chews everything! We would let him out to run around a lot in our tv room before we knew what he was doing. He chewed through our telephone cord, the vacuum cord, and the treadmill cord. It's a wonder he didn't get zapped and die! He also enjoys any kind of paper and clothes, too. Scissors' cage is in the basment where the dirty laundry lives. If a basket of clothes is near his cage and he can reach it, he will take a nibble. Mark has a couple of shirts with holes, as does John. I have some holes in my favorite workout pants! Darn bunny.
Scissors is a pretty low maintenance pet. Change his cage, feed him, water him, and take him outside. Now, catching him is another matter. Our backyard is pretty big and there are a lot of spots he can hide. It can be very tiring to catch him! It takes at least 2 people to round Scissors up.
Scissors also likes to fling poo. Isn't that nice? I'll go down in the basement and there's poo, flung on the floor. Good thing bunny poo looks like coco puffs and is pretty formed. Hee hee. Gross, nevertheless.
Next, we got our cat, Socks. Oh, Socks. We got him the day before Mark's birthday in May of 2009. I just couldn't pass him up. Outside of Walmart, there he was, being given away. Little did I know he would have a shoe fetish. If you're wondering about this, see an earlier post entitled "Socks and Shoes".
Socks is pretty nice...to me, John and Lincoln. Mark really knows how to get him riled up and hyper. (Thanks, Mark). He hides under the kitchen table and attacks little feet that wander by, minding their own business. (I'm referring to the cat here, not Mark).
Socks can never make up his mind whether he wants to be inside or out. I have to force him outside at times when he is especially amorous with a blanket we have, or John's work boots. Yuck. He likes to snuggle with me, too, which is sweet. But the other day, I was napping on the couch and I opened my eyes and THERE HE WAS, JUST STARING AT ME, INCHES FROM MY NOSE. It freaked me out.
The funny thing about Socks is that he is so calm around Lincoln. Whenever Lincoln cries, Socks comes running, seemingly curious about what is going on and how he can help. He usual does help! Lincoln loves Socks. He smiles and giggles when he sees him. He grabs his ear, or his tail or just a handful of fur and Socks does nothing. It is the sweetest thing.
Next we have Pluto. Pluto is our Beagle. This was my bright idea. Now, when I pictured us having a dog, it was very different from reality. I pictured the dog running carefree in the backyard, the kids running along side him, squealing. I imagined the kids playing fetch and teaching him how to sit and roll over. I imagined taking the dog for walks and taking him camping. This dog was to be a part of our family. Nowhere in my imagintion did I picture poop, and lots of it!
But, Pluto does poop. Did I mention that he poops a lot? When he was little, we had him inside. It was in October of 2009, so it wasn't cold out yet. So after maybe a week, he ended up outside. I can handle baby poo, but not doggy poo. I felt sorry for him, so John built him a home inside our detached garage and cut out a doggy door. Pluto also has his very own heater! So, he is now an outside dog, with luxury. But, he still poops. It is really gross. Thankfully Savannah cleans it up. She is such a good helper.
It is so ironic that the dog was my idea, but I don't really like him. He's sweet, but he smells...like dog. Also, he likes to lick. Okay, do you know where his tongue has been? I'm sorry, but I don't want his tongue to touch me. I don't mind patting his head, but as soon as I do, he flips on his back and wants me to rub his belly. Ewwww!!! I try to be nice and what does he do? He turns over and spreads his legs! John may have me convinced to get a female Beagle. I don't want another dog, but maybe if Pluto gets his jollies, I can pat his head without him taking it the wrong way!
Finally we have a *shutter* a mouse. Yuck. Ewwwww. I mean, really, what can I say? His name is Stormy and he is a rodent and he is gross. Savannah tried to get me to warm up to him, so she held him up over my lap so I could see how cute he is. And then he pooped in my lap. Not a good first impression. He is in a cage and he is in Savannah's room and that is where he shall remain all the days of his life if we are to live in the same house.
Pets are good, though. My kids have learned how to clean litter boxes, scoop poop in the backyard, and clean bunny and mouse cages. They feed and water the pets. They play with the pets, too. It has given them responsibility over another living thing. I admit, there have been times when it hasn't gone very smooth. I have to get after them to care for the animals. But they thoroughly enjoy these creatures that have become a part of our family! And Pluto is now trained to sit, stay, fetch and shake! It is so sweet. Maybe I like him after all...just a little.
Cynthia
Friday, February 19, 2010
Things I Don't Like (Hate is such a harsh word.)
I really didn't want to have a negative post like this, but since I've had a crummy week and it's what I'm feeling...I shall cave in and be negative.
1. Drama. I will avoid it at all costs. The sky is not falling. Chill out.
2. Hypocrites. I am really struggling with going to church. It makes it more difficult to go when I read on facebook the comments made by leaders in my ward at church that are so anti-Christian. I am not perfect. But, when you are in a calling like that...you need to really be careful because people watch what you do and read what you write on FB! BTW, I am a hypocrite, for the record.
3. People that are upset with me, but don't tell me. They tell someone else, who tells me FOR them. Hello? Are we in grade school? If you have a problem with me, talk to me. I don't bite and I will have more respect for you if you do.
4. Women who wear fake fingernails and rat their hair in the back that makes a big BUMP. Maybe I'm not stylish, but I think the hair is weird. And how can you do anything (including wipe your butt), when you have fake nails?
5. Talkative cashiers. I have experienced this mainly at Walmart. Being friendly is nice. Say hello, ask if I found everything okay. But when you start telling me your life story or give me advice, I shut down. I can't handle it. I just want to pay for my stuff and leave, thank you.
6. Snobs. Enough said.
7. How fat I've gotten. I am working on this, but it is very hard. I keep telling myself that I need to take one step at a time. I didn't get fat overnight, I won't get skinny overnight either. On that same note, it is so annoying when skinny or normal sized people think they are fat. PA-lease!!! And when they say that in front of me--an obviously overweight person! Hello!?!?
8. People who dress for church like they're going to the beach (flip-flops) or going to a club (can you say T-R-A-M-P?). Seriously. Church is the one place I shouldn't have to worry about what I'm gonna see. (Cleavage, upper-thigh. Are you serious???)
9. Winter in Utah. I grew up in Southern California. It was pretty much 70 degrees year round. I miss it. I feel so depressed and BLAH from about November to April here. It really is a problem for me.
10. People who are always cheery and talk in a high-pitched happy voice. I'm not against being happy. I also understand using baby talk...I do it with Lincoln and I talked that way when my older kids were babies. But, I'm not a baby and those kind of voices are like nails on a chalk board. Sometimes the pitch is so high, I can barely hear it (which is nice).
Sorry if I offended anyone! Post a comment letting me know if you have an issue with anything I said, otherwise you will go in #3 on my "Things I Don't Like" list! Tee Hee...
Cynthia
1. Drama. I will avoid it at all costs. The sky is not falling. Chill out.
2. Hypocrites. I am really struggling with going to church. It makes it more difficult to go when I read on facebook the comments made by leaders in my ward at church that are so anti-Christian. I am not perfect. But, when you are in a calling like that...you need to really be careful because people watch what you do and read what you write on FB! BTW, I am a hypocrite, for the record.
3. People that are upset with me, but don't tell me. They tell someone else, who tells me FOR them. Hello? Are we in grade school? If you have a problem with me, talk to me. I don't bite and I will have more respect for you if you do.
4. Women who wear fake fingernails and rat their hair in the back that makes a big BUMP. Maybe I'm not stylish, but I think the hair is weird. And how can you do anything (including wipe your butt), when you have fake nails?
5. Talkative cashiers. I have experienced this mainly at Walmart. Being friendly is nice. Say hello, ask if I found everything okay. But when you start telling me your life story or give me advice, I shut down. I can't handle it. I just want to pay for my stuff and leave, thank you.
6. Snobs. Enough said.
7. How fat I've gotten. I am working on this, but it is very hard. I keep telling myself that I need to take one step at a time. I didn't get fat overnight, I won't get skinny overnight either. On that same note, it is so annoying when skinny or normal sized people think they are fat. PA-lease!!! And when they say that in front of me--an obviously overweight person! Hello!?!?
8. People who dress for church like they're going to the beach (flip-flops) or going to a club (can you say T-R-A-M-P?). Seriously. Church is the one place I shouldn't have to worry about what I'm gonna see. (Cleavage, upper-thigh. Are you serious???)
9. Winter in Utah. I grew up in Southern California. It was pretty much 70 degrees year round. I miss it. I feel so depressed and BLAH from about November to April here. It really is a problem for me.
10. People who are always cheery and talk in a high-pitched happy voice. I'm not against being happy. I also understand using baby talk...I do it with Lincoln and I talked that way when my older kids were babies. But, I'm not a baby and those kind of voices are like nails on a chalk board. Sometimes the pitch is so high, I can barely hear it (which is nice).
Sorry if I offended anyone! Post a comment letting me know if you have an issue with anything I said, otherwise you will go in #3 on my "Things I Don't Like" list! Tee Hee...
Cynthia
Monday, February 15, 2010
Step Two
Another installment on the Twelve Step Program I'm involved in through my church:
Step Two: HOPE
Key Principle: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.
"If we turn to the Lord, there will be no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness."--Boyd K. Packer
Step one was fairly easy for me. I basically came to a point where I knew that the direction my life was headed was not a good one. I contemplated going to the meetings for probably a month. When I finally did go, I knew it was where I was supposed to be.
This second step is a tough one. So often, I feel like the tender mercies of the Lord are reserved for others, but for me? No way! I'm not rigtheous enough or good enough, etc. But, the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all. I know this, but maybe don't FEEL it right now. I have shut the Lord out of my life, and feel like I need to get my life in order before I can approach him again. Just typing that seems so silly. It doesn't make sense.
For so long, I have tried to overcome my weaknesses by myself, with sheer willpower. I know I need to replace that trust in myself (which clearly hasn't worked) with faith in the love and power of Jesus Christ.
This step is the first to have action steps. They are to pray and to read and ponder the scripturs. It's about simply becoming willing to practice believing in the love and mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the accessibility and blessing of the Holy Ghost. It is to watch for evidence of Their love.
A scripture that was shared last week has really helped me. It is 2 Corinthians 5:17
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new." I know that scripture is true and it says ANY man (or woman). That includes me! I have a small hope right now, but that's all that is needed, just a tiny bit. "If ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words" (Alma 32:27).
Now, if you look closely (or sometimes not too closesly), you can see dust in my house. I think about a particle of dust. It's pretty small! So, right now, with my faith and hope, that are the size of a particle of dust sitting right there on my blinds, if that is enough...I know I can do this! Let that desire work in me means that I hang on to my particle and then DO THE WORK, even if I'm not feeling it. Pray, even if I don't want to. Read the scriptures, even if I don't always understand. It's about taking the steps, little by little.
As far as my addiction to food goes, I've just tried to be AWARE. I'm not on a program or anything. I am asking myself if I'm really hungry. If I'm bored (which frankly seems like it'd be impossible in our house), then I play the piano, or organize a shelf. If I'm upset, I write my feelings down in my journal. If I'm tired, and it's feasible, I take a nap, or at least lie down and rest. I have a big problem with eating at night. So, I try to replace that habit with taking a bubble bath, or writing, or reading scriptures, or simply going to bed. It's about not sleepwalking anymore. I feel like I've been in a trance, just going through the motions of my life. And now, I'm finally waking up. It's good to be awake! "Awake and arouse your faculties." I think I may write a list of alternatives to eating and keep it posted on the fridge. There is nothing wrong with eating. It is when eating is "used" when you're not really hungry.
Cynthia
Step Two: HOPE
Key Principle: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.
"If we turn to the Lord, there will be no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness."--Boyd K. Packer
Step one was fairly easy for me. I basically came to a point where I knew that the direction my life was headed was not a good one. I contemplated going to the meetings for probably a month. When I finally did go, I knew it was where I was supposed to be.
This second step is a tough one. So often, I feel like the tender mercies of the Lord are reserved for others, but for me? No way! I'm not rigtheous enough or good enough, etc. But, the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all. I know this, but maybe don't FEEL it right now. I have shut the Lord out of my life, and feel like I need to get my life in order before I can approach him again. Just typing that seems so silly. It doesn't make sense.
For so long, I have tried to overcome my weaknesses by myself, with sheer willpower. I know I need to replace that trust in myself (which clearly hasn't worked) with faith in the love and power of Jesus Christ.
This step is the first to have action steps. They are to pray and to read and ponder the scripturs. It's about simply becoming willing to practice believing in the love and mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the accessibility and blessing of the Holy Ghost. It is to watch for evidence of Their love.
A scripture that was shared last week has really helped me. It is 2 Corinthians 5:17
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new." I know that scripture is true and it says ANY man (or woman). That includes me! I have a small hope right now, but that's all that is needed, just a tiny bit. "If ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words" (Alma 32:27).
Now, if you look closely (or sometimes not too closesly), you can see dust in my house. I think about a particle of dust. It's pretty small! So, right now, with my faith and hope, that are the size of a particle of dust sitting right there on my blinds, if that is enough...I know I can do this! Let that desire work in me means that I hang on to my particle and then DO THE WORK, even if I'm not feeling it. Pray, even if I don't want to. Read the scriptures, even if I don't always understand. It's about taking the steps, little by little.
As far as my addiction to food goes, I've just tried to be AWARE. I'm not on a program or anything. I am asking myself if I'm really hungry. If I'm bored (which frankly seems like it'd be impossible in our house), then I play the piano, or organize a shelf. If I'm upset, I write my feelings down in my journal. If I'm tired, and it's feasible, I take a nap, or at least lie down and rest. I have a big problem with eating at night. So, I try to replace that habit with taking a bubble bath, or writing, or reading scriptures, or simply going to bed. It's about not sleepwalking anymore. I feel like I've been in a trance, just going through the motions of my life. And now, I'm finally waking up. It's good to be awake! "Awake and arouse your faculties." I think I may write a list of alternatives to eating and keep it posted on the fridge. There is nothing wrong with eating. It is when eating is "used" when you're not really hungry.
Cynthia
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Things I Love
1. John. He is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him so much. For Valentine's Day he got me a dozen tulips, as well as a dozen chocolate dipped strawberries. But, it's how he treats me every day of the year that makes me love him so much. He makes me laugh, he puts up with my whining, he is attracted to me (even in the morning when I look like death), he knows just what to say when I'm having a melt down, and he is such a good father. He is my best friend. I think we knew each other in heaven.
2. Mark. He is so creative. He is a good artist, as well as having a great imagination. There is nothing like seeing him be so loving and kind to his siblings. The most heart-warming is to see him love and cuddle with his 8 month old baby brother, Lincoln. He can be a big help. He is a good friend. He is a good friend to me, too! I love it when he likes to talk to me about everything and nothing at all.
3. Savannah. She is so affectionate with her younger siblings. She is such a big help to me. She is so creative. She writes stories and draws pictures. She is so funny. She can get me to laugh by making this really silly face. I like to spend time with her going shopping, or just hanging out.
4. Wynter. Wynter is so sweet to Lincoln. She is very smart and loves math. She is so good at gymnastics. Wynter likes to write stories. She loves to read books. She loves to climb and be outside on the trampoline.
5. Hunter. Hunter is such a sweet boy. He writes sweet notes to me that I put up on the wall by my bed. He also draws pictures for me. He is very quiet, but can also speak his mind (with his fists, just ask Micah). He has the most contagious laugh.
6. Micah. He is so energetic. I wish some of his energy would rub off on me. He just goes and goes and goes. He is so silly and says the funniest things. He loves to write and draw.
7. Lincoln. He is the easiest baby I've ever had! I think it's his personality as well as the fact that I have more experience. He is very mellow. He loves his family. He responds to all of us with a big, dimpled smile. He is such a joy!
8. The ability to choose. Sometimes I really have a hard time with depression, and I know that I don't choose that. But, I do have the ability to choose what I do, even if I can't always control how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the movie "Groundhog Day" and I keep trying to live my day right, only to feel like I've completely failed. So, I go to bed and hope the next day is better. I can choose not to yell, I can choose to uplift instead of criticize, I can smile instead of frown, I can keep moving instead of standing still. I can keep trying...
9. Humor. This is how I survive. Looking for the funny/happy/silly in life makes me realize how great life really is. Sometimes things just really suck. But, in spite of that, there is always, always something to laugh about. Sometimes I have to laugh just so that I don't cry.
10. Repentance. Life IS like "Groundhog Day." That is why we are here. We need to learn, to grow, to pick ourselves up when we fall, to say we're sorry, to try to improve. I am so glad that I can rewrite sentences, paragraphs, pages, and sometimes even chapters in my book of life. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, made it possible. I am so thankful to Him for that.
11. The ability to write and express my feelings. It is so nice to have a place that I can share my thoughts with others, as well as keep a record. It is very theraputic for me. I look forward to writing. I also love the comments I receive. It helps me to feel connected to my loved ones and friends whom I don't always get to see.
12. Love. Especially at this time...Valentine's Day! I love my husband and my kids. I love my extended family. I love my friends. I have realized that when I start to feel anger and contempt towards others (enmity), that I've got a big problem with pride. Pride separates us from others. Who wants that? Who wants to be alone and isolated? When we love others, that is when we can truly feel joy.
I just wanted to quickly tell what I gave John for Valentine's Day. I decided that I wanted him to have BYU pillowcases. I have learned that I can never, ever go wrong if I give John anything that has to do with BYU. About a month ago, I bought the material and I also bought new pillows. My plan was to go to my mom's and have her help me make the pillowcases for him. So, I let him know that I was headed to my mom's to make his Valentine's present. When I got there, my mom asked if she could just make them for me. I said sure. (I really, really don't like to sew).
I came clean and I told John that my mom was actually making the gift for him, for me. He said "Don't tell me that! I would've never known! You could've just let me think you made the gift." So, I told him, "OK, nevermind, I am making your Valentine's present. I'll just call my mom up and ask her if I'm done." Hee hee
Thanks Mom! He loved them!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!
2. Mark. He is so creative. He is a good artist, as well as having a great imagination. There is nothing like seeing him be so loving and kind to his siblings. The most heart-warming is to see him love and cuddle with his 8 month old baby brother, Lincoln. He can be a big help. He is a good friend. He is a good friend to me, too! I love it when he likes to talk to me about everything and nothing at all.
3. Savannah. She is so affectionate with her younger siblings. She is such a big help to me. She is so creative. She writes stories and draws pictures. She is so funny. She can get me to laugh by making this really silly face. I like to spend time with her going shopping, or just hanging out.
4. Wynter. Wynter is so sweet to Lincoln. She is very smart and loves math. She is so good at gymnastics. Wynter likes to write stories. She loves to read books. She loves to climb and be outside on the trampoline.
5. Hunter. Hunter is such a sweet boy. He writes sweet notes to me that I put up on the wall by my bed. He also draws pictures for me. He is very quiet, but can also speak his mind (with his fists, just ask Micah). He has the most contagious laugh.
6. Micah. He is so energetic. I wish some of his energy would rub off on me. He just goes and goes and goes. He is so silly and says the funniest things. He loves to write and draw.
7. Lincoln. He is the easiest baby I've ever had! I think it's his personality as well as the fact that I have more experience. He is very mellow. He loves his family. He responds to all of us with a big, dimpled smile. He is such a joy!
8. The ability to choose. Sometimes I really have a hard time with depression, and I know that I don't choose that. But, I do have the ability to choose what I do, even if I can't always control how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the movie "Groundhog Day" and I keep trying to live my day right, only to feel like I've completely failed. So, I go to bed and hope the next day is better. I can choose not to yell, I can choose to uplift instead of criticize, I can smile instead of frown, I can keep moving instead of standing still. I can keep trying...
9. Humor. This is how I survive. Looking for the funny/happy/silly in life makes me realize how great life really is. Sometimes things just really suck. But, in spite of that, there is always, always something to laugh about. Sometimes I have to laugh just so that I don't cry.
10. Repentance. Life IS like "Groundhog Day." That is why we are here. We need to learn, to grow, to pick ourselves up when we fall, to say we're sorry, to try to improve. I am so glad that I can rewrite sentences, paragraphs, pages, and sometimes even chapters in my book of life. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, made it possible. I am so thankful to Him for that.
11. The ability to write and express my feelings. It is so nice to have a place that I can share my thoughts with others, as well as keep a record. It is very theraputic for me. I look forward to writing. I also love the comments I receive. It helps me to feel connected to my loved ones and friends whom I don't always get to see.
12. Love. Especially at this time...Valentine's Day! I love my husband and my kids. I love my extended family. I love my friends. I have realized that when I start to feel anger and contempt towards others (enmity), that I've got a big problem with pride. Pride separates us from others. Who wants that? Who wants to be alone and isolated? When we love others, that is when we can truly feel joy.
I just wanted to quickly tell what I gave John for Valentine's Day. I decided that I wanted him to have BYU pillowcases. I have learned that I can never, ever go wrong if I give John anything that has to do with BYU. About a month ago, I bought the material and I also bought new pillows. My plan was to go to my mom's and have her help me make the pillowcases for him. So, I let him know that I was headed to my mom's to make his Valentine's present. When I got there, my mom asked if she could just make them for me. I said sure. (I really, really don't like to sew).
I came clean and I told John that my mom was actually making the gift for him, for me. He said "Don't tell me that! I would've never known! You could've just let me think you made the gift." So, I told him, "OK, nevermind, I am making your Valentine's present. I'll just call my mom up and ask her if I'm done." Hee hee
Thanks Mom! He loved them!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Twelve Steps
It's been quite a week, and it's not even over yet! Monday went a bit better because I did prepare on Saturday and Sunday. On Monday I went, for the first time, to an Addiction Recovery meeting that is offered through the church that I attend. It is based on the 12 step program that was designed for Alchoholics Anonymous, but with the gospel teachings incorporated into it. I am addicted to food. I am a compulsive eater. I think this 12 step program will really help me, and not just with my food problem.
Step #1 is HONESTY. Key principle: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
Wow. I have been struggling for many years with numbing my feelings with food. But, since my father committed suicide this past August, I have completely lost control. I have gained 30 lbs since he died. It has been a blessing, in a way, because I have been living for so long in denial. Overeating isn't a sin, is it? We certainly don't talk about it like it is. I remember that about 4 years ago, during general conference, a talk was given. The sister talked about how her mother had made these huge cinnamon rolls and she'd eaten 3 of them. That night, when asked to give the family prayer, she declined because she had eaten the 3 cinnamon rolls and didn't have the spirit with her. This stunned me! I could eat that and not even think twice about it. The talk almost made me mad.
Denial is an interesting thing. I went to the meeting on Monday, and was in tears for nearly the entire time. The things that others were saying, were things that I was feeling. I knew that I needed to be at that meeting. I'm ready to change. It's not about food for me. It is about NOT turning to the Lord when I need help. It is about turning away from him and thinking that I can solve my problems on my own. The way I feel is a paradox. On the one hand, I don't turn to him because I think I can handle it on my own. On the other hand, I don't turn to him because I feel UNWORTHY of His help.
I love this quote by Elder Russell M. Nelson: "Addiction surrenders later freedom to choose. Through chemical means, one can literally become disconnected from his or her own will." I know that over the years, this has happened to me. The first time I truly overindulged, I didn't feel good about it, physically or spiritually. But, over time, I don't really feel anything. I just know that I am out of control and that I've gained a lot of weight. I've become depressed and withdrawn. I don't feel like myself anymore. One of the biggest signs, though is that I "found fault with family, friends, Church leaders, and even God. I plunged into greater and greater isolation, separating myself from others, especially from God."--Addiction Recovery Program.
I'm realizing that I can't do anything without my Savior's help. I had fooled myself into thinking that I could. After my Dad died, I felt so mad at him, and then mad at God for letting it happen. I also felt anger towards myself, because I have thought that maybe if I would've called him that week, like I felt I should, he'd still be here. Maybe I could have said something or done something that would've have changed the path that my Dad decided to take. I felt rebellious after he died. I didn't want to go to church anymore. I stopped praying. I didn't want to be with my friends. There would be a day here or there that I would fake it and spend time with friends or see my family. But on most days, I just wanted to be alone. I felt like I was sleep walking in my life. I was doing the bare minimum.
To be honest, I still feel that way most days. It is a process. Everything won't be better overnight. But, for the first time in a long time, I feel hope. I am so glad that I have my husband and children that brighten my dark days. I know that my struggle affects them, and I really hate that. But, hopefully they can learn from my experience, where they should turn for peace.
I don't share this for sympathy. I share it because it is the biggest part of my life right now, and I feel like I'm lying by not giving it a voice, or putting it in print, in this case. I am glad I am doing this blog. It is helping me to look for the good. I do notice more now, how truly funny and happy my life is because of my kids and my husband, and really, because of my Savior. I believe the Savior has a sense of humor!
Each week, I will share the next step of the 12. This is a great program! Thank you, thank you to my friend Lindsay for suggesting it to me. A lot of times, it is through our friends or family that the Lord helps us.
"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things" (Alma 26:11-12).
Cynthia
Step #1 is HONESTY. Key principle: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
Wow. I have been struggling for many years with numbing my feelings with food. But, since my father committed suicide this past August, I have completely lost control. I have gained 30 lbs since he died. It has been a blessing, in a way, because I have been living for so long in denial. Overeating isn't a sin, is it? We certainly don't talk about it like it is. I remember that about 4 years ago, during general conference, a talk was given. The sister talked about how her mother had made these huge cinnamon rolls and she'd eaten 3 of them. That night, when asked to give the family prayer, she declined because she had eaten the 3 cinnamon rolls and didn't have the spirit with her. This stunned me! I could eat that and not even think twice about it. The talk almost made me mad.
Denial is an interesting thing. I went to the meeting on Monday, and was in tears for nearly the entire time. The things that others were saying, were things that I was feeling. I knew that I needed to be at that meeting. I'm ready to change. It's not about food for me. It is about NOT turning to the Lord when I need help. It is about turning away from him and thinking that I can solve my problems on my own. The way I feel is a paradox. On the one hand, I don't turn to him because I think I can handle it on my own. On the other hand, I don't turn to him because I feel UNWORTHY of His help.
I love this quote by Elder Russell M. Nelson: "Addiction surrenders later freedom to choose. Through chemical means, one can literally become disconnected from his or her own will." I know that over the years, this has happened to me. The first time I truly overindulged, I didn't feel good about it, physically or spiritually. But, over time, I don't really feel anything. I just know that I am out of control and that I've gained a lot of weight. I've become depressed and withdrawn. I don't feel like myself anymore. One of the biggest signs, though is that I "found fault with family, friends, Church leaders, and even God. I plunged into greater and greater isolation, separating myself from others, especially from God."--Addiction Recovery Program.
I'm realizing that I can't do anything without my Savior's help. I had fooled myself into thinking that I could. After my Dad died, I felt so mad at him, and then mad at God for letting it happen. I also felt anger towards myself, because I have thought that maybe if I would've called him that week, like I felt I should, he'd still be here. Maybe I could have said something or done something that would've have changed the path that my Dad decided to take. I felt rebellious after he died. I didn't want to go to church anymore. I stopped praying. I didn't want to be with my friends. There would be a day here or there that I would fake it and spend time with friends or see my family. But on most days, I just wanted to be alone. I felt like I was sleep walking in my life. I was doing the bare minimum.
To be honest, I still feel that way most days. It is a process. Everything won't be better overnight. But, for the first time in a long time, I feel hope. I am so glad that I have my husband and children that brighten my dark days. I know that my struggle affects them, and I really hate that. But, hopefully they can learn from my experience, where they should turn for peace.
I don't share this for sympathy. I share it because it is the biggest part of my life right now, and I feel like I'm lying by not giving it a voice, or putting it in print, in this case. I am glad I am doing this blog. It is helping me to look for the good. I do notice more now, how truly funny and happy my life is because of my kids and my husband, and really, because of my Savior. I believe the Savior has a sense of humor!
Each week, I will share the next step of the 12. This is a great program! Thank you, thank you to my friend Lindsay for suggesting it to me. A lot of times, it is through our friends or family that the Lord helps us.
"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things" (Alma 26:11-12).
Cynthia
Monday, February 8, 2010
Signs That I'm Not as Young or as Hip as I Used to Be!
It all began about 5 years ago...
#1-I FORGET THINGS. When Hunter was 2 years old, I was at a friends house having a "playdate," (the kids play and the moms talk--it's really for the moms, though). We were chatting and watching our kids. Mark and Savannah were in school, so I just had Wynter and Hunter. We were in the backyard watching the kids jump on the trampoline, play with a rubber ball, dig in the sandbox, etc. Then I started to panic. I couldn't see Hunter anywhere! "I can't see Hunter!" I exclaimed. My friend looked at me, and in the sweetest voice said, "He's on your lap."
Another example: A couple of weeks ago, I mailed our car payment. As I was balancing our checkbook, and comparing it with the bank statement, I noticed we had some extra money. We didn't really, it's just the car payment check hadn't cleared. I called the bank to make sure and then called our auto lender. They hadn't received the check. I was baffled. I knew I had mailed it! Well, I went ahead and made a payment online instead and just hoped that the check I sent for the car payment hadn't fallen into the wrong hands. Today I got a letter from our lender. Enclosed was the check I had written. I had dated it, put the lender's name on it and even signed it! I didn't, however, write the amount. That explains everything. (sigh)
#2-I AM BEHIND IN TECHNOLOGY. A couple of years ago, I went to Walmart. I am a huge music fan and I wanted to get some music. I searched and searched and just could not find what I was looking for. So, I found an employee and asked, "Where can I find the cassette tapes?" He said, "Right over here." He took me to an aisle where there were blank tapes. "No, no," I said, "I don't want blank tapes. I want tapes that have music on them." He looked confused, and then said, "Uh, we don't sell those anymore, we only sell CD's." (Really?! Since when?! sigh)
Another example: My kids know more about computers than I do. Even Micah does and he is 5 years old. But, in my defense, we haven't had a working computer for several years. Computers, MP3 players, even my cell phone intimidates me. Mark was trying to help me when we got our new computer and I just kept saying (or yelling), "Leave me alone, I don't want to learn! I don't want to learn!"
#3- I AM GROWING HAIR WHERE ONLY MEN SHOULD. I remember when I was a teenager, my friend's mom had hair growing on her chin. From a distance, you didn't notice it, but up close, yikes! I specifically remember thinking how gross it was. Well, guess what? I have hair on my chin. I decided to get rid of it and bought some Nair for the face. As I was applying the Nair, and looking closely at my face in the mirror, I noticed more and more hair. I kept applying the Nair wherever I saw unwanted hair. I then took a step back from the mirror and was horrified as I realized that I looked like a man wearing shaving cream, about to shave off his beard and mustache! I had Nair on my chin, up my cheeks and under my nose! (sigh, again)
#4- My OLDEST CHILD IS EMBARRASSED TO BE SEEN WITH ME (MOST TIMES). Mark needed to fix his schedule for this term and I also needed to talk to his school counselor about other things. Mark and I were going to meet with the counselor after school. Mark said he'd walk home and then we could go. Later that day, I thought about it and decided it would be a better idea, as well as more time efficient, if I just went over to the school and met Mark there instead of having him walk all the way home first. So, after school, I drove over. Mark was horrified. "I thought I told you I'd walk home first, and then we'd come over!" he said. I finally put two and two together and asked him if he was embarrassed of me. He said, "No, well, yes." "Which one is it?!" I asked. "Well, I'm not embarrassed OF you, I'm just embarrassed to be SEEN with you!" Wow, that clarification made me feel so much better. (BIG sigh)
#5- I SAY THE THINGS I SWORE I'D NEVER SAY. Okay, I don't say things like, "When I was your age, I walked uphill to school and back." But I do find myself saying things like, "When I was your age, there were no such thing as a cell phone!" Mark and Savannah think it is hilarious that I used to listen to cassette tapes, have a video camera that was the size of a shoebox, that I used to play Atari, that instead of e-mail, I actually had pen-pals and that we had to look up books using a card catalog, instead of a catalog on the computer.
#6- I HAVE TO COLOR MY HAIR EVERY SIX WEEKS. These little guys keep sprouting. I can't stop it! As with each new child, my love multiplies and so does my gray hair.
(Sob)
Cynthia
#1-I FORGET THINGS. When Hunter was 2 years old, I was at a friends house having a "playdate," (the kids play and the moms talk--it's really for the moms, though). We were chatting and watching our kids. Mark and Savannah were in school, so I just had Wynter and Hunter. We were in the backyard watching the kids jump on the trampoline, play with a rubber ball, dig in the sandbox, etc. Then I started to panic. I couldn't see Hunter anywhere! "I can't see Hunter!" I exclaimed. My friend looked at me, and in the sweetest voice said, "He's on your lap."
Another example: A couple of weeks ago, I mailed our car payment. As I was balancing our checkbook, and comparing it with the bank statement, I noticed we had some extra money. We didn't really, it's just the car payment check hadn't cleared. I called the bank to make sure and then called our auto lender. They hadn't received the check. I was baffled. I knew I had mailed it! Well, I went ahead and made a payment online instead and just hoped that the check I sent for the car payment hadn't fallen into the wrong hands. Today I got a letter from our lender. Enclosed was the check I had written. I had dated it, put the lender's name on it and even signed it! I didn't, however, write the amount. That explains everything. (sigh)
#2-I AM BEHIND IN TECHNOLOGY. A couple of years ago, I went to Walmart. I am a huge music fan and I wanted to get some music. I searched and searched and just could not find what I was looking for. So, I found an employee and asked, "Where can I find the cassette tapes?" He said, "Right over here." He took me to an aisle where there were blank tapes. "No, no," I said, "I don't want blank tapes. I want tapes that have music on them." He looked confused, and then said, "Uh, we don't sell those anymore, we only sell CD's." (Really?! Since when?! sigh)
Another example: My kids know more about computers than I do. Even Micah does and he is 5 years old. But, in my defense, we haven't had a working computer for several years. Computers, MP3 players, even my cell phone intimidates me. Mark was trying to help me when we got our new computer and I just kept saying (or yelling), "Leave me alone, I don't want to learn! I don't want to learn!"
#3- I AM GROWING HAIR WHERE ONLY MEN SHOULD. I remember when I was a teenager, my friend's mom had hair growing on her chin. From a distance, you didn't notice it, but up close, yikes! I specifically remember thinking how gross it was. Well, guess what? I have hair on my chin. I decided to get rid of it and bought some Nair for the face. As I was applying the Nair, and looking closely at my face in the mirror, I noticed more and more hair. I kept applying the Nair wherever I saw unwanted hair. I then took a step back from the mirror and was horrified as I realized that I looked like a man wearing shaving cream, about to shave off his beard and mustache! I had Nair on my chin, up my cheeks and under my nose! (sigh, again)
#4- My OLDEST CHILD IS EMBARRASSED TO BE SEEN WITH ME (MOST TIMES). Mark needed to fix his schedule for this term and I also needed to talk to his school counselor about other things. Mark and I were going to meet with the counselor after school. Mark said he'd walk home and then we could go. Later that day, I thought about it and decided it would be a better idea, as well as more time efficient, if I just went over to the school and met Mark there instead of having him walk all the way home first. So, after school, I drove over. Mark was horrified. "I thought I told you I'd walk home first, and then we'd come over!" he said. I finally put two and two together and asked him if he was embarrassed of me. He said, "No, well, yes." "Which one is it?!" I asked. "Well, I'm not embarrassed OF you, I'm just embarrassed to be SEEN with you!" Wow, that clarification made me feel so much better. (BIG sigh)
#5- I SAY THE THINGS I SWORE I'D NEVER SAY. Okay, I don't say things like, "When I was your age, I walked uphill to school and back." But I do find myself saying things like, "When I was your age, there were no such thing as a cell phone!" Mark and Savannah think it is hilarious that I used to listen to cassette tapes, have a video camera that was the size of a shoebox, that I used to play Atari, that instead of e-mail, I actually had pen-pals and that we had to look up books using a card catalog, instead of a catalog on the computer.
#6- I HAVE TO COLOR MY HAIR EVERY SIX WEEKS. These little guys keep sprouting. I can't stop it! As with each new child, my love multiplies and so does my gray hair.
(Sob)
Cynthia
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