Come What May and Love It

To borrow a quote from Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come what may, and love it." This is tough to live by, especially for people like me who have 2 particular short-comings (among many others). One is that I like to know what is going to happen. Happy surprises, I like, but the scary/unknown, I don't. We are in a state of limbo right now, wondering how things are possibly going to improve and it is mentally draining. Because a side-effect of wanting to know what is going to happen is WORRY. Constant worrying.

My second short-coming is that I like to have control. My Mom has told me that when I was a baby and she'd try to rock me, I wouldn't just lie back, relax and let her do the rocking. I would rock my own body, trying to force my mom to rock the speed I wanted. Well, I'm still much like that today. I know what we need and I try with all my might to make it happen. It is so hard to RELAX and TRUST in my Heavenly Father, that he knows and sees all and that He knows what is best for me and my family. It is definitely the refiners fire. But, there are days that I can feel myself being "refined", and days that I get pretty angry and I'm pretty gritty and rough.

Last night, I reached a breaking point. The 3 youngest boys were in the tub and I asked for someone to bring me some towels. Mark brought me one, because that was all he could find. I told him that there were clean towels still in the dryer. Well, they were clean, but still wet. We've been having troubles with the dryer uh, drying. I usually have to add more time once the first dry cycle is done. It can take 90 minutes or more to dry a load. So, believe it or not, THIS pushed me over the edge. I felt so angry about those darn towels, and the venom spread and it spread quickly.

I then became mad about pretty much EVERYTHING: all of our broken or poorly working appliances; the never-ending work I do around the house; boys not being able to aim directly into the toilet; the piles of bills that we can't pay; children who fight.all.the.time; broken sprinklers-and therefore, dying patches of grass; Mark's partially done room; leaks in the basement; piles of stuff accumulating for the yard-sale; a biting baby; and the list goes on.

I went to bed angry. I woke up angry today. Then I decided to do what I DO have control over and that is pray and search the scriptures. After I did so, I was reminded of the talk by Elder Wirthlin, and read it again. He counsels those of us (and isn't it really all of us at one time or another?) who are struggling with adversity, 4 things.

One, learn to laugh. I am getting better at this one. But, usually the humor shows up AFTER the fact, not during. But, when my kids are misbehaving, or I'm overwhelmed, I break out into song and try to make it silly. It almost always works to get the kids to behave, because they take their focus off of one another and shift it to me, and wonder why Mom has gone crazy...again.

Two, seek for the eternal. When we realize/remember that our Savior has suffered through every kind of affliction on behalf of all of us, we know that we can turn to Him for comfort, because He knows how to comfort us. He has experienced our pain. When we keep the eternal perspective that "the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to all of us", it can help us realize that we're not being picked on. Everyone experiences hardships. And if we can remember that our experience is just a brief time, compared with eternity, and is a test...to teach us and help us grow and learn, we can avoid feeling like all hope is lost.

Three, remember the principle of compensation. "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." I heard this talk literally 1 week before discovering that I was pregnant AGAIN. I had lost a baby a few months before and was pregnant with Lincoln. When I found out my exciting news, that we were expecting, I remembered Elder Wirthlin's talk and I was overwhelmed because I had the personal experience to know that what he said was true.

And finally, four, trust in the Father and the Son. "God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son. The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in."

"He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong."

I know that these things are true, and yet I have moments like last night, where I have "spiritual amnesia". But, thankfully, somehow I am always reminded of the truth and I get myself back on track. I know that things will work out how they should, and once this particular trial is all over, I will look back and see all that I have learned and all that I have become because of this hardship.

*All quotes are from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's conference address Oct 2008.

Here's To a Better August

If you've ever seen the movie "Where The Heart Is", or read the book, you know that the main character, Novalee, is superstitious about the number 5. Well folks, I am a bit superstitious about the month of August.

August 1995: My ex-husband filed for divorce.

August 1999: Due to some personal problems, I had to withdraw from BYU and quickly move off campus.

August of 2002: Wynter broke her femur either jumping or falling off of the top bunk of a bunk bed. She was 18 months old. I was 38 weeks pregnant with Hunter at the time.

August 2005: Due to unforseen circumstances, we had to move abruptly.

August 2008: I had a miscarriage.

August 2009: Mark got into some trouble (big trouble). My Dad committed suicide.

But, when I look on the "bright side", I can see that a lot of these bad things resulted in a wonderful blessing.

1. I no longer am married to someone who was not right for me and ended up with John, who is my soul mate.
2. In August of 2002, I gave birth to Hunter, who was my sweetest, easiest baby. Although it was a trial to have Wynter in a body cast AND a brand new baby, it was also a time that I learned a few lessons about what is really important in my life.
3. Although having a miscarriage was very sad and difficult, I now can show empathy to others who may go through the same thing and I ended up getting pregnant with Lincoln soon after and had a very easy, uncomplicated pregnancy.
4. Although the trouble Mark got into was not good, I think he learned a lesson or two, as did I.
5. My father's suicide will always haunt me. But I find comfort in the belief that I have that he is in a better place and he is no longer sick (mentally and physically).

With all that said, however, I really hope that August goes by without a hitch (other than the typical stress/difficulties that come with raising a family and such). I'm hoping my yard-sale nightmare will be over, along with a very de-cluttered home. School will be back in session 3 weeks from today. (Yeah and boo!) We'll get back into a routine. And best of all, Hunter will be turning 8 and will be baptized.

Here's to a better August!

The Witching Hour

From the minute I woke up yesterday I was busy. And, to top it off, I had 4 additional children at my house throughout the day.

I woke up with one of those dang caffeine-withdrawal induced headaches. I felt like I was dragging...like I needed a jump start. Well, since we have no diet Coke in the house, this jump start had to come from somewhere else. Around 10am, the jumpstart came. I remembered that my visiting teachers were headed over in about 30 minutes and I had a hot flash as I looked in the front room and saw a HUGE mess and a big 16 year old boy asleep on the couch. This got my blood pumping. I kicked Mark out and proceeded to clean in a crazed hurry.

My visiting teachers are 2 sweet old ladies with wisdom seeping from their pores. One of them always brings me some sort of treat,too. We visited for about 30 minutes. I love talking to women who have been-there, done-that. One of the sisters had 8 children and her husband had passed away when her youngest was very small. She also never re-married and raised some pretty good kids on her own. One of her daughters is a friend of mine and is a wonderful example to me. Their visit was a great start to my day, I felt enriched and cared for. But now it was nearing lunch time, and I was still in my pjs. (Yes, don't judge me).

The rest of my day was full of driving kids here and there, working on yard sale preparation, laundry, sandwich-making, breaking up fights, doing more laundry and not taking a shower. (Yes, please don't judge me). Then the witching hour began...otherwise known as between 5-6pm.

If you ever want to see a crazy lady in action, please stop by unannounced at my house around this time. But, I'm warning you, I won't ever talk to you again. (Hee Hee). NO, seriously, I won't. I was trying to make dinner. I was in the kitchen alone and everyone was preoccupied with something else. While I was browning some beef on the stove, I decided to make a very important phone call. If you happened to read my blog a few days ago, or if you're a mom you'll know that when you're on the phone your kids suddenly need you immediately! I kid you not. I instantly had a 1 year old hanging on my leg whining; my oldest son and his friend decided this would be a good time to ring the door bells (both of them, we have one in front and one in back) at the same time and then run around the house; two of my boys came in the kitchen (probably because they smelled food cooking) and demanded to know what was for dinner and how long it was going to take; all while I was trying to have a grown-up, mature, important conversation on the phone.

I definitely got a good arm workout yesterday as I waved my hands and arms madly in the air in an attempt to get everyone to please leave me alone! All while trying to maintain a calm, sweet, mature voice on the phone. I'm telling you, I must look just ridiculous to my kids, because they never take the arm-waving seriously. I finally had to lock myself in the bathroom (while dinner burned). And yes, I had knocks on the door, but I plopped myself in the bathtub so I could be as far from the door as possible. *sigh*

Thankfully, dinner didn't burn too bad and I did get an important issue squared away on the phone. The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful and then I crashed in bed and slept like a baby. But, I learned that maybe I should not try to do anything other than make dinner during the witching hour. I really should have planned better. Oh well...

Friendly Mom Tip #46

If you get up to make a sandwich for one child, it would be wise to ask if anyone else wants one. Otherwise, you may find yourself getting up, getting all the sandwich supplies out, making a sandwich, putting all the stuff away and wiping the counter, 3 additional times. Trust me, I know.

Ahhh...Children

I have been very busy lately. I am preparing for a much needed yard sale and have set the date for August 7th. Yikes! I hope I'm ready. Seriously, with the kids, the house, preparing meals, a bout with the stomach flu for 5 of the 6 children, Pioneer Day festivities, dropping off/picking up the big kids from various activities, working on the yard, and all the other tasks that mothers do, I am finding it hard to get all of this yard sale preparation done. I am now down to less than 2 weeks to get ready and I still have part of the kitchen, the front room, the entire basement, AND the garage to go through. And, you know what? I haven't even procrastinated. I set myself a 4 week schedule (after a couple months of procrastination), but it has been extremely difficult to stick with it! I'm done with the tv room, the mudroom, the boys' room, and part of the kitchen. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted!

Which brings me to my topic...I have been so busy, that I've tried to sneak in some time to REST. Doesn't seem so difficult, does it? Well, guess again. My kids will be busy doing X, Y, or Z, completely oblivious to me and the stuff I'm trying to do, UNTIL I sit down, put my feet up and look comfortable. Then wham-o, all of the sudden they need something from me!

And, they also seem to NOT NOTICE my existence until I'm on the phone. Then ALL of them need something that only I can provide (in their opinion). And forget about going to the bathroom in peace. I get typically 2-6 knocks on the door everytime. Pretty soon I'll be like Pavlov's dogs and may involuntarily pee when I hear knocking.

So, I have deduced that the best way to get my children's attention is to A) get comfortable, B) get on the phone or C) go to the bathroom.

My Love/Hate Relationships...

The idea for this post came from the fact that I am trying VERY hard to ween myself off of diet Coke. I grew up never drinking soda with caffeine, but when I became an "adult", I began to partake...I have been a diet Coke drinker ever since, with the occassional breaks during which I was pregnant or nursing. So...


I love diet coke.
I hate the need to have one daily (and the headaches as I'm trying to break this habit).

I love staying up late and enjoying some peace and quiet.
I hate waking up the next day and feeling like a zombie.

I love having a clean house.
I hate cleaning...especially after others (ahem, children) who don't notice or appreciate it and can turn our clean house into a mess in 17 seconds flat.

I love to eat.
I hate cooking. And doing dishes. And cooking. Oh, and gaining weight.

I love playing Word Challenge on facebook.
I hate thinking/dreaming about all the words I can make with the same six letters. (Did you know that with the letters i-f-b-r-e-s, you can spell fibres, fibers, briefs, brief, fiber, fibre, ires, sir, sire, rise, ribs, fires, fries, fire, fibs, fib....see what I mean?)

I love owning our own home.
I hate having to fix our own home. (We currently have a room that is missing the lower 1/3 of 2 of it's walls-due to a leaking waterheater, a nasty leak that has made part of the ceiling in the downstairs bathroom fall off, a door that doesn't shut quite right, flooring that needs to be put in...this list just goes on, but I don't want to make myself, or more accurately, John depressed because, let's face it, he's the one who does all the fixin' around here.)

I love summertime because the kids are home from school and we have a flexible schedule.
I hate summertime because the kids are home from school, we have a flexible schedule and it's sooooo HOT, they'd rather stay indoors and, you guessed it, make a mess in 17 seconds flat.

I love to read.
I hate it when the good book I'm reading comes to an end and then I don't know what to read next.

I love being an adult. I can do what I want.
I hate being an adult. I have to be responsible and I have a TON of stress!!

I love blogging.
I hate not knowing what to write about that's worthwhile.

I love my children.
I hate that they are all growing up so fast.

I love my husband.
I hate that I can't spend more time with him.

I love Reese's Peanutbutter Cups.
I hate that the rest of my family loves them too, so they don't last long around here.

Yep, this list is pretty silly. There's always the bad with the good, though, and I'm trying to focus on the good. Focus on the LOVE. Okay, that's so lame, but it's my post and I'm sticking to it.

Mom-Speak Decoded

"Do you know what time it is?" means..."I know what time it is and it's not early!"

"I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." means..."I'm angry AND disappointed."

"Why? Because I said so!" means..."I have no idea why."

"If all your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you do it too?" means..."I'm becoming my mother and it's all your fault!"

"Go ask your father!" means..."Could you pick on someone else for a while?"

"Maybe." means..."I'm too lazy/distracted/tired/frustrated to answer that question right now."

"Maybe tomorrow." means..."Hopefully you'll forget this question by tomorrow."

"What are you doing?" means "I know exactly what you're doing, but I just need a minute so I don't kill you."

"Just a minute." means..."Eventually."

"I love you!" means... "I love you!"