I think I may have shared this story in an earlier blog, so I apologize, but it very much illustrates what I want to share in this post.
Without going into any specifics, I am struggling with some things in my life right now, as most of us are. I mean, really, when is there never something to overcome, work on, or deal with in our lives? As I have taken a personal inventory of my life, I recognize a common theme. And that is of self-will. I pit my will against God's. I try to get (or, more accurately, force, manipulate, control) others to do what I think they should. *sigh* And so here's the story:
When I was a little girl, my Mom would rock us kids to sleep. I remember, with fondness, many of the songs she would sing. But, something I don't recall, but my Mom does, is that I wasn't an easy child to rock. Instead of lying in my Mother's arms and letting her rock me as she sang, I would lean forward and backward, trying to dictate to her how fast or slow I wanted the rocking to be. I was trying to make her rock me at my pace and not hers! I wasn't still. Needless to say, it frustrated her.
This has continued. But it has continued in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. How many times have I asked Him to bless me and then go on to dictate to Him exactly how to do that? How many times has the Holy Ghost whispered to me and I ignored it? How many times have I been angry because my Father in Heaven allowed something horrible to happen to me or a loved one? How many times have I been disobedient? Impatient? Prideful? More times than I'd care to admit, I'm afraid.
I am working on learning to trust in God. Today in my reading, I came upon this passage and I'd like to share it here:
"Those who have done needlepoint know it's important which side of the fabric to display. One side is full of crisscrossing threads and tiny knots that make the design difficult to recognize. But when it's turned over, the entire picture comes into view. I have always loved the following poem about a needlepoint or weaving design. It helps me trust God when I can't understand why things happen the way they do.
My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget that He seeth the upper, and I the under side.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned."
From When Times Are Tough by John Bytheway, poem by Al Bryant.
Wow. I know that I need to be still and know that God is in charge. I can be sure of His love for me. I can work on keeping my side of the street and not concerning myself with how well other's are keeping their side. It is hard. It doesn't come naturally for me to not control. But, I know that I can overcome this weakness. I know that I can trust God and in His plan for me!
