A Day in the Life...

Yesterday was one of those days...

1. Our new bird, Baby...she got out. The front door was open and she flew out into one of our trees. After trying to get her, using a ladder, her cage and a fishing net, she was gone. She got a taste of freedom and that's all it took.

Savannah and Baby...




2. I got a denial letter for health insurance for my kids because I didn't get the paperwork in on time. Um, yes I did, actually. After a brief temper-tantrum on my part, I decided I'd give them a lovely phone call on Monday.

3. We got the leaves raked up in the front yard, but there they sit in the trailer because...our suburban has a flat tire--hauling them to the composte dump will have to wait.

4. We took our kids to see Savannah in "Fiddler on the Roof"...one of these kids is nearly 2 years old. Need I say more? We could've used a mop to clean up the sweat that accumulated from John after he tried to wrangle/contain/quiet Lincoln for 90 minutes.

5. Because of the bird incident, John and I weren't able to squeeze in a little date before the play, like we had planned. I need our dates like fish need water. It's what gets me through the week.

6. I balanced our checkbook...enough said.

But, really none of this matters. Seeing Savannah dance and sing was wonderful and we surprised her with some roses afterwards. The look on her face was priceless. It seems that even if a million things go wrong, the few things that go right make it all worth it.

I Am The Luckiest

The past week has been a whirlwind of emotion for me. I feel so overwhelmed, but so very lucky. There is something so sweet about the love of a mother. And I have been so blessed to have the love of 3 mothers.

First, there is my birth mother, Tina. She loved me so much, that she gave me up so that I could have a life she felt she couldn't provide. She was unselfish and gave me to a mother who couldn't have children.

Next, I had my mom, Pamela. She was given the gift of 3 children by adoption. She raised me right. She taught me the gospel. She helped me whenever I needed help (and still does). She has loved me for all of these years, even when I have disappointed her. She took care of me.

And finally, I have my mother-in-law, Marcia. I don't see her very much anymore, but she is a great example to me. She accepted me and my children into her family immediately and has loved us all.

I am so lucky.

Fantabulous News

Simply stated: I am adopted and this past weekend, I found and talked to both of my birth parents. It has been such a blessing and I am so happy!

Question and Answer

I've had a lot on my mind lately...some questions that have gone unanswered. Also I have been struggling with some feelings that I haven't been quite sure what to do with. One piece of wisdom I've picked up lately is "Do the next obedience", or in other words, "Do the next right thing." So tonight, even though it was inconvenient, I did the next right thing and went to a place I needed to be. And the answers came. I am so thankful for having other people in my life that will share their experiences and feelings so that I can learn. It is so true that often our prayers are answered through other people.

Be Quiet!

In Titus 2:5 it says that women should be discreet. I looked up discreet in the dictionary and it means to be careful about what one says or does. Then in Alma 7:23, we are counseled to be easily entreated. This means to be approachable, accessible, and to listen. These 2 scriptures helped me realize that I need to be quiet and listen more.

Sometimes I come away from a conversation and I have a sinking feeling because I know I talked too much and perhaps even dominated the conversation. I also know that at times I SAY too much. I give too much information. I am learning that just because I think something doesn't mean I need to say it. I am trying to be more thoughtful about what I say. I also just need to BE QUIET!!

Be Still And Know That I Am God

I think I may have shared this story in an earlier blog, so I apologize, but it very much illustrates what I want to share in this post.

Without going into any specifics, I am struggling with some things in my life right now, as most of us are. I mean, really, when is there never something to overcome, work on, or deal with in our lives? As I have taken a personal inventory of my life, I recognize a common theme. And that is of self-will. I pit my will against God's. I try to get (or, more accurately, force, manipulate, control) others to do what I think they should. *sigh* And so here's the story:

When I was a little girl, my Mom would rock us kids to sleep. I remember, with fondness, many of the songs she would sing. But, something I don't recall, but my Mom does, is that I wasn't an easy child to rock. Instead of lying in my Mother's arms and letting her rock me as she sang, I would lean forward and backward, trying to dictate to her how fast or slow I wanted the rocking to be. I was trying to make her rock me at my pace and not hers! I wasn't still. Needless to say, it frustrated her.

This has continued. But it has continued in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. How many times have I asked Him to bless me and then go on to dictate to Him exactly how to do that? How many times has the Holy Ghost whispered to me and I ignored it? How many times have I been angry because my Father in Heaven allowed something horrible to happen to me or a loved one? How many times have I been disobedient? Impatient? Prideful? More times than I'd care to admit, I'm afraid.

I am working on learning to trust in God. Today in my reading, I came upon this passage and I'd like to share it here:

"Those who have done needlepoint know it's important which side of the fabric to display. One side is full of crisscrossing threads and tiny knots that make the design difficult to recognize. But when it's turned over, the entire picture comes into view. I have always loved the following poem about a needlepoint or weaving design. It helps me trust God when I can't understand why things happen the way they do.

My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget that He seeth the upper, and I the under side.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned."

From When Times Are Tough by John Bytheway, poem by Al Bryant.

Wow. I know that I need to be still and know that God is in charge. I can be sure of His love for me. I can work on keeping my side of the street and not concerning myself with how well other's are keeping their side. It is hard. It doesn't come naturally for me to not control. But, I know that I can overcome this weakness. I know that I can trust God and in His plan for me!

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

I don't know about you, but many times (maybe everytime) I look in the mirror, I am bombarded with negative thoughts about my appearance. It honestly feels like Satan himself has unleashed dozens, or maybe hundreds of his minions to whisper horrible things about my body in my ear. Then, they proceed to follow me around throughout the rest of the day to tell me negative things about what I'm doing and who I am! This is honestly how I have lived my life for many years...just listening to those thoughts and believing them.

But lately, through a change in habits and adding prayer and scripture study into my life, I have realized that those thoughts don't plague me quite as often. And, in fact, I had a rather wonderful impression about those thoughts, especially the ones about my body.

Satan doesn't have a body. He is jealous of all of us that do. And Satan's main objective is to make us miserable like he is. He wants us to hate and even destroy the body that our Father in Heaven gave to us. I started to think about the marvelous things that my body has done. It has carried 6 babies. It has fed them. I am able to walk. I am able to hug my children. Last night, I just started to think about the miracle of my hands. I am able to type. I am able to cook. I am able to write. I am able to fold laundry, drive a car, hold a book, pick up toys, etc. I thought about how hard it would be if I didn't have hands.

But, I've also been studying a lot lately about the importance of caring for our bodies. Yes, my body is capable of doing many things. I am so grateful for it. I know, however, that I have not been kind to it. I am learning that caffeine and excess food dampens my ability to feel the spirit. And, believe me, I need to be able to have the spirit with me. I also have greatly reduced how often and how long I exercise and I can feel the difference.

It's not so much about my physical appearance anymore. Although I do desire to improve how I look, I am more interested in being obedient. No, I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke, but am I really living the word of wisdom? Am I being obedient when I turn to food instead of to Him? I truly have discovered on the journey that I have recently begun, that my compulsive eating is a symptom of greater things. I have substituted turning to my Savior for help, with turning to food instead. It's really very sad. It's much more complex than this, but I think I can make my point by keeping it simple.

I am so grateful for the feelings of peace and understanding that I have as I've turned my life and my will over to my Father in Heaven. It's not easy. It doesn't come natural for me to surrender and truly give up my will. I am so reliant on Him. I really agree whole-heartedly with the hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour." Some days it's "I Need Thee Every Second." I know that I can't do anything without Him. Maybe for awhile I can believe the illusion that I create, that I can do everything by myself. But, it eventually becomes blindingly apparent that I can't do it by myself.

"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom, but behold my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing, as to my strength I am weak, therefore I will not boast of myself but I will boast of my God. For in his strength I can do all things." Alma 26:11-12

Who Do You Turn To?

Recently, I was listening to a talk by Sheri Dew. In it, she relates a story about how she and a group of women were together, visiting. A hot topic at the time came up, and all the women, (who in Sheri Dew's opinion were smart, spiritual, wonderful women) were discussing a recent Oprah Winfrey show on this topic. Sister Dew pointed out that at a recent General Relief Society meeting, this topic was also addressed by the Relief Sociey General President. None of the women attended the meeting. Sister Dew began feeling "excited" by the discussion. One of the women had a very busy life, and talked about how much she loves watching Oprah and never misses a show. Sister Dew knew the woman worked during the day and so, quite irritated asked, "You have time to watch Oprah everyday, but you couldn't find 90 minutes to go to a meeting where women of God, who receive divine inspiration for all of the women of the church AND the world, speaks to us?" The woman replied defensively that she recorded Oprah during the day and watched it later.

She went on to say that there are many in the public who have bits of truth sprinkled into the world's way. So, it is all neatly packaged and appealing to many of us. But she posed the question, "Where do we turn first?"

I thought about this. I am a fan of Dr. Laura. I read a lot of books when I'm struggling with something as a wife or mother or friend. I almost always turn to the world first. Dr. Laura has some good advice. (I don't like Oprah, but I know many do and may find her advice helpful.) There are a lot of "experts" out there in the media. But, do we turn to the Lord first? He who has all the answers? I haven't always, but I am desiring to do so now.

I find myself turning more and more to the scriptures, to personal prayer, to Conference talks, and to the Ensign. We can get together as woman and talk about the difficulties of being a mother or being a wife. We can talk about how stressful it is to raise a family. But I testify that the clear and only way to truly know what is best and truly know what to do doesn't come from a friend's advice or from a radio show. It comes from the Lord. Plain and simple. I don't apologize for this opinion or feeling. I know it is true.

It's funny, because I have friends who think that motherhood comes so easily for me. Ha Ha and another Ha!! They obviously don't know me. I have always struggled with worry of losing my identity in the mass of diapers, loads of laundry and the many hours spent taking care of others. But, recently, that worry has faded. As I've turned to my scriptures and read inspirational stories and talks by those who speak the truth, I have had an overwhelming feeling of peace that what I'm doing is the right thing.

As long as I put VERY FIRST in my day, reading scriptures and praying, my day goes well. I find time to do the things I love that have nothing to do with my roles as wife and mother. It truly is an amazing thing to test out, if you haven't already. My day doesn't magically become easier and without difficulty, but I feel directed and lead to the things I should do first, that are most important and I have learned how to deal with the urgent in a much calmer way.

I am so thankful for what I am learning. I am so thankful that I don't have to rely on the world and what it thinks I should do. What a confusing way to live! I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to be a mother. It really is all worth it.

When times get tough, who do you turn to?

Blonde Roots, Senility, or Just Plain Dumb?

Friday night at about 8 pm, I became the epitomy of lame. John usually gets home from work about 5 after for his "lunch break." (My husband works from 4pm to 2am.) I had had a very busy day and was "relaxing" with the kids while we watched a movie for our traditional "Family Movie Night." (Unfortunately, true relaxing doesn't really occur until all the kids are asleep, which doesn't happen enough, in my opinion.) Anyway, so at about 5 after 8, Lincoln and I headed for the front door to wait for John, as we normally do. I became puzzled. The car was parked in the driveway. I knocked on the bathroom door to see if he had snuck in undetected and headed for the loo. But, nope, he wasn't there! I looked everywhere upstairs, and even hollered down the basement stairs, wondering if he had gone down there. Nope! I was so confused. I couldn't understand where he could be!! I picked up my phone and saw that he had left me a text. It simply said, "Hun?" At this point, I was wondering what the heck he was doing? I was actually getting a little ticked off. I mean, who comes home for a lunch break and then hides? Was this some lame attempt at one of his practical jokes? Were we playing some adult version of hide and seek? Now, really?? Yep, by now, I was absolutely frustrated!!

No, my friends, no. I then looked on my phone and saw the first text that he had sent, that I hadn't noticed. It said. "You can come get me now." The time he sent it was about 10 minutes before 8pm. Yep, I had driven John to work that day! I had errands to run and since we are down to one car right now, I had to take him to work. I felt completely stupid at this point. I quickly called him and told him I was on my way. When I picked him up, I explained what happened and we had a really good laugh. Honestly, I don't think it's blonde roots, senility or just plain dumb. I think I'm just tired. I'm a tired, tired mom.