Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

I don't know about you, but many times (maybe everytime) I look in the mirror, I am bombarded with negative thoughts about my appearance. It honestly feels like Satan himself has unleashed dozens, or maybe hundreds of his minions to whisper horrible things about my body in my ear. Then, they proceed to follow me around throughout the rest of the day to tell me negative things about what I'm doing and who I am! This is honestly how I have lived my life for many years...just listening to those thoughts and believing them.

But lately, through a change in habits and adding prayer and scripture study into my life, I have realized that those thoughts don't plague me quite as often. And, in fact, I had a rather wonderful impression about those thoughts, especially the ones about my body.

Satan doesn't have a body. He is jealous of all of us that do. And Satan's main objective is to make us miserable like he is. He wants us to hate and even destroy the body that our Father in Heaven gave to us. I started to think about the marvelous things that my body has done. It has carried 6 babies. It has fed them. I am able to walk. I am able to hug my children. Last night, I just started to think about the miracle of my hands. I am able to type. I am able to cook. I am able to write. I am able to fold laundry, drive a car, hold a book, pick up toys, etc. I thought about how hard it would be if I didn't have hands.

But, I've also been studying a lot lately about the importance of caring for our bodies. Yes, my body is capable of doing many things. I am so grateful for it. I know, however, that I have not been kind to it. I am learning that caffeine and excess food dampens my ability to feel the spirit. And, believe me, I need to be able to have the spirit with me. I also have greatly reduced how often and how long I exercise and I can feel the difference.

It's not so much about my physical appearance anymore. Although I do desire to improve how I look, I am more interested in being obedient. No, I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke, but am I really living the word of wisdom? Am I being obedient when I turn to food instead of to Him? I truly have discovered on the journey that I have recently begun, that my compulsive eating is a symptom of greater things. I have substituted turning to my Savior for help, with turning to food instead. It's really very sad. It's much more complex than this, but I think I can make my point by keeping it simple.

I am so grateful for the feelings of peace and understanding that I have as I've turned my life and my will over to my Father in Heaven. It's not easy. It doesn't come natural for me to surrender and truly give up my will. I am so reliant on Him. I really agree whole-heartedly with the hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour." Some days it's "I Need Thee Every Second." I know that I can't do anything without Him. Maybe for awhile I can believe the illusion that I create, that I can do everything by myself. But, it eventually becomes blindingly apparent that I can't do it by myself.

"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom, but behold my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing, as to my strength I am weak, therefore I will not boast of myself but I will boast of my God. For in his strength I can do all things." Alma 26:11-12