These Are So Dang Funny!

Savannah is currently learning about similes, analogies, and metaphors in her english class. Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of these found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are some of last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. She was a colony of e-coli, growing on him like he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
3. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
4. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
6. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
7. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
8. Even in his last years, Grandad's mind was a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
9. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
10. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

This gave me a much needed laugh on a horrible day called Monday. Thanks Savannah!