R.I.P.

Our trampoline died on December 21, 2010.

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Banana?

The other night, after standing at the kitchen sink for an hour, doing dishes from the weekend (the ones that don't fit in the dishwasher), I headed to the basement to work on laundry. I was down there for about 10 minutes. I switched the loads, started a load and folded the clean laundry. While doing this, I could hear squeals of joy while Micah and Lincoln were playing upstairs. Bounce bounce...it sounded like they were playing catch.

When I finished, I headed back upstairs and I noticed a smell. Wow, I thought, that lemon dish soap is strong! It smelt very, very citrusy. (Is that even a word?) I went into the front room and "stick, stick", my feet were sticking to the hardwood floor as I walked. "What happened in here?" I exclaimed. "Why is the floor all sticky?!" Wynter quietly says, "Micah and Lincoln were playing catch...with an orange."

A Couple of Good Questions, I'd Say

Yesterday Micah watched Sesame Street, as he usually does before he goes to school. We got in the car and he asked, "Mom, how DO you get to Sesame Street?" Oh my. At first, I laughed because, although I have heard the theme song for many years, I had never really thought about it. "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" So, I looked up where it is filmed. It is filmed in Astoria, Queens, New York City, New York in the Kaufman Studios. The Cosby Show was also filmed there. So, I showed Micah where Sesame Street is on Google Maps. He thought it was pretty neat. Thanks to a friend who suggested I research this...

About 2 weeks ago, I was sitting on the couch, brushing my hair after a shower. Hunter looked at me quizzically and asked, "Why are you brushing your hair, Mom? Is it Sunday?" Wow, I laughed and then told him no. What a funny guy. But, honestly, I think I must put my hair up so much into a pony tail or bun, that when I actually wash and style it, my kids think I'm getting primped up for church. *sigh* I should probably change that...

Birthday Fun

November is a busy month for us at the Watkins household! There are 2 birthdays, our wedding anniversary, and of course, Thanksgiving.

Savannah had a boy/girl birthday celebration this year. We headed out...somewhere, um south-west of us, where Nutty Putty cave used to be, and played capture the flag. My mom watched the 3 youngest boys at her house and then John and I each drove a vehicle and hauled Savannah, several friends, and Mark and Wynter out to the boonies. We all had a lot of fun. I didn't get any pictures out there, but here are some afterwards at our house.








Savannah is excited to be able to attend church dances now. She is a wonderful daughter. She is turning into such a lovely young woman. And she is hilarious!!

For Micah's 6th birthday, we went out to dinner as a family and celebrated at home. I can't believe Micah is 6 already! Time has gone by so quickly. He is loving kindergarten. Being in afternoon K is difficult because that 4 hour wait from when his siblings leave for school is tortuous for him. Plus he has to put up with Lincoln, who enjoys teasing Micah to no end.









The balloons that I bought from Macey's lasted for a couple of weeks. Lincoln claimed them as his. He would say, "Bagoon, bagoon!" We had a lot of fun celebrating with and without the "bagoons"!







On our wedding anniversary, we didn't celebrate because it was a Thursday and John had to work. But that weekend we went and saw Harry Potter 7, Part 1. It was really good. I love that John and I have read all the books and watch the movies together. But, anything I do with John is fun. I am so glad that we found each other and I look forward to many more years with him.

Thanksgiving was yummy. John did most of the cooking and I am very thankful for that! Having a long weekend with my family is so much fun and I'm looking forward to Christmas break!

Hard lessons

I've learned some hard lessons lately. During this time, it has helped tremendously to talk things out with my husband, write in a personal journal and talk to my Heavenly Father. My heart is still sad, but I have come to the point of acceptance, even if I don't fully understand.

1. No matter how much people in the church are back-biting, snobby, or judgemental...the church is still true. Not participating fully in the church only hurts me and my family.

2. Cliques even exist in families. Go figure.

3. Paying tithing doesn't magically make money appear in the mailbox to cover this bill or that...like so many say it does. What it does is it makes us more financially aware and more accountable...therefore we're able to make ends meet better. It works.

4. The grass isn't greener on the other side.

5. Sometimes friendships that have lasted for over 25 years need to come to an end.

6. No matter how much I teach my children to do good...they have their agency and sometimes have to learn the hard way.

7. Men don't need to be an Eagle scout in order to enter the celestial kingdom.

8. Nothing is as heart-breakingly difficult, yet rewarding and joyful as being a mother.

9. Sometimes the only way through, is through!

10. Being happy is a choice...albeit a hard choice at times.

Amen

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived." -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I read this quote several years ago, but was reminded of it when a friend posted it on facebook. The quote is so articulate and expresses how I feel so perfectly.
.

I'm Back

After a much needed hiatus, I've decided to start blogging again. Stay tuned...

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!

I have some serious anger issues. Seems I need to get back to writing. No, I won't blog about what makes me angry because I have to keep the illusion of being a nice person. But I really need to get back to long-hand angry writing. It is so therapeutic (sp?) for me and I really need some therapy right about now.

Writing allows me to vent without really having an audience who will possibly judge me for my rant, or judge the person I'm ranting about or both. And who needs that? So, what is the crux of my anger? Life hasn't gone how I've planned. I know, I know. Most people could say the same, but right now it is so relevant to my life.

One assignment I've given myself is to write letters to those I'm angry at, but with no delivery of said letters. Maybe I'll burn them or rip them up. Just like cleaning out a closet can feel so freeing, so can writing all those things you've always wanted to say to the person (or people) you've always wanted to say them to. I've done this before, but feel the need to do it again.

Why do I have to be so complicated??

Back to School

Well, four started school today. Micah will start kindergarten next Tuesday. Then it will be just Linky and I for part of the day! I'd like to say that now that they are in school I will be highly productive, exercise and shower by 9am, have the house in order when the kids get home, along with a healthy snack and have gotten some errands done, but I will not commit myself to that in writing, in a public place. Today has already been rocky. I am sick. Can you believe it? Yep, I've got a lovely head cold. But, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Hunter (starting 2nd grade) and Wynter (starting 4th grade)





Savannah (starting 8th grade and not smiling)







Mark (starting 11th grade and avoiding the camera)

What Matters Most?

The Las Vegas Temple--where John and I were sealed for time and all eternity


Today I went visiting teaching with my awesome friend, Stephanie. The thing that I love so much about these monthly visits is that I always learn something from those that I visit.

I was so impressed with the first woman we visited. Although I have visited with her many times before, she said some things that I really needed to hear. I truly believe that some of the questions that can be stewing around in our minds, are answered by those around us. She sets very small and attainable fitness goals. She is a diabetic and has to be very careful about what she eats, but she doesn't let it control her. She's very dedicated to simple exercise, too.

Another thing that was so impressive is that she has made the decision to get on the computer only 1 time per week. She used to spend 1-2 hours per day on the computer and realized that she needed to use some self-discipline and reduce that. ALOT! She gets on every Friday. That's it!

The second woman we visited is an older woman. This month's message was on the importance of staying temple worthy and having a recommend, even if you are unable to attend the temple. She told of a dream she had many years ago after her husband had passed away and she was left to raise 8 children on her own.

She was standing by a river and a boat, like those in Italy that are pushed along with a pole, came by. In it was her husband and two other men. They asked her to come with them, but she needed to get her recommend. She didn't have it with her, so she asked one of her daughters to run up to the house and get it for her. They told her they couldn't wait, and they left her there. She woke up in tears.

Now, you may be thinking that the moral of this dream for her was to always carry her recommend with her. But she felt impressed that she was to always keep her recommend current. We've been counseled to do that very thing by the leaders of our church. John and I are now at a point that we CAN get our recommends renewed. I am planning to make an appointment with the Bishop ASAP and get the ball rolling. I know that attending the temple would truly be a help for John and I at this time. The temple brings such peace and perspective. I love how I can leave the world outside and take time to ponder and pray and reflect on what is truly important.

So, I got to thinking, what matters most? Does how I spend my time truly reflect what is most important to me? Or am I all talk? I've decided to take a true inventory of what I BELIEVE to be most important to me and then compare that with how I spend my time. I feel this huge need to take a close look at my life. I can see that I have been very busy, but busy doing a lot of things that just don't matter.

Because of this, I've set a goal, as my friend has, to only get on the computer 1 time per week. It may be hard at first, but I can see how beneficial it will be for me in the long run.

Second, I've decided to simplify my weight-loss, or rather, fitness goal. I have decided to simply 1) stop eating after dinner and 2) walk every day.

And third, I am going to get my temple recommend renewed.

I have a lot more thinking and examining to do, but this is my start! Have a great week!

A Simple Day #1

Today I spent over an hour on the porch with Lincoln while it rained. I talked to him, sang to him and watched him go up and down; up and down; up and down the stairs leading to the porch.

I loaded up 7 boxes into the Suburban that I will take to the DI tomorrow.

I limited my time on the internet to 30 minutes + however long it takes for me to get this blog post done.

I've decided not to color my hair anymore. But I give myself the right to change my mind if I just can't stand it. : )

I didn't make a single phone call or send a single text.

I took a little nap instead of drinking diet Coke.

Good night!

Simplicity

I am currently reading a book entitled, "You Can Never Get Enough Of What You Don't Need: The Quest For Contentment" by Mary Ellen Edmunds. It has been a very thought-provoking and eye-opening experience for me.

Having our yard sale was just one tiny step towards simplifying my life. As I began reading this book, I realized that there are a lot of things and activities that I need to eliminate. I've also been looking up "simplifying" and "minimalism" on the internet and I can see that I am on the brink of a whole lot of change.

For example, both the book and the things I've read on the internet point out that having one of something is enough. Having two or more is luxury. As I think about the things I have 2 or more of, I would have to agree. It really comes down to a paradigm shift. What do I really need? What is really important to me? What things do I do that bring me satisfaction and happiness? Have I done any good today?

I've realized that as I ask my self these questions and others that M.E.E. asks in her book, that I am not living my life in a meaningful way. I have become so bombarded with things, and stuff, and lists of stuff to do, that I don't have time for, or don't get to the things that matter most. It is truly a shame.

So, now that the yard sale is over, I am taking loads of the leftovers to the DI (similar to The Goodwill). I did put one thing up for sale on KSL classifieds that I think I'll be able to sell, but at this point, I'm donating!! I know that there is much more that I can donate. I want the clutter gone! I want to clean less and have more fun with my kids.

I also have realized how much time I waste. I spend way too much time each day on the internet. I check email, I check my family website, I check out my friends' blogs, I balance our checkbook, etc. Now, there is nothing wrong with these things, but I do see the need to set myself a time limit, otherwise I end up looking something up on google and getting sidetracked for a bit and then looking up another thing and getting sidetracked some more. It is so wasteful.

I also realize that I spend a lot of time wishing. I wish I were thinner. So then I spend money on a weight loss magazine in order to get some motivation. But really, all it does is cost me nearly $4, persuade me to buy A,B, or C in order to slim down, and makes me feel bad about myself-that somehow I'm not lovable or good enough in my plus sized clothes. I also wish our money situation would improve IMMEDIATELY, so I distract myself with those things that don't help AT ALL!! Such as...

Maybe I decide I need chocolate because I'm stressed about money (so I spend money buying chocolate). Or I think the latest finance book will solve my troubles (so I end up with my nose in a book). Nothing against reading. I love to read. But really, what I need to be doing is making home cooked meals and homemade snacks, or clipping coupons, or working in our garden, or just enjoying what we already have. I need to be doing a lot more DOING.

It seems like I always believe that there is a quick answer in a book or a magazine somewhere. I'm always searching or writing lists or thinking instead of ACTING. Of course, a lot of help can come from a book-the scriptures. But of course, I don't seem to use that resource as much as I should.

So I am officially beginning my journey of simplifying my life and DOING those things that matter to me. Enough wishing and list making. Enough goal making about how much weight I'll lose by next summer. Each day I will make an effort to simplify by: 1)setting something aside that needs to be donated or 2) giving something to someone I know who might need it more than I or 3) de-junking a drawer or 4) staying unplugged (from tv, internet, the phone, the radio) 5) Being more purposeful and intentional in my choices--doing everything with purpose. Take time and not rush through the day. Stop to enjoy my surroundings.

I will try to record what I do as I chug through this new territory. I will also put quotes on my blog from M.E.E.'s book. She is a great woman and author and I highly recommend this book written by her, as well as several others that she has written.

P.S. Did you notice? I made a list in this blog!! Habits die hard. : )

The Count Down Begins

Eight days left until school starts. I'm happy and sad about it. This week will be a hustle and bustle of final preparation for school. Mark will be in 11th, Savannah in 8th, Wynter in 4th, Hunter in 2nd and Micah in Kindergarten. I hope it's a great school year!

This year I want to stay on top of the kids to stay on top of their homework. That was a bit of a problem last year. I will also be keeping track of their grades, etc. on the Nebo website. I also have a goal to walk my 3 youngest to school (Hunter and Wynter in the am and Micah in the afternoon for pm kindergarten) as well as walk to pick them up. That would be 3 round trips daily to the school for a total of 45 minutes of walking.

I've got 5 kids in 3 different schools. Uggg. It can be daunting to keep track of everything and everyone, but I am going to put phone numbers for the schools, teachers names and school times on one sheet of paper that I put in the kitchen. All three schools begin and end at different times!

Everyone is excited to get back to school except for Mark. I will miss them all being home, but I look forward to having a more predictable schedule and having a little peace and quiet each day (except that Lincoln isn't the quietest child, but he still takes naps).

Here's to a great school year...2010/2011!

Today is Blah...

My Dad and I

Okay, this will officially be a party pooper post. The yard sale is finally over. Yahoo!! But, I have to say that most people that came by were CHEAP! My prices were VERY low and they would want to go even lower. It was absolutely ridiculous. I'm not kidding. The rule of thumb that I've learned is to charge 10% of whatever you paid for the item. Well, I did that, plus reduced it some more and it still wasn't low enough for some. Anyway, although, yes I did want to make some money, a big reason for this sale was to de-clutter and simplify our lives. That was accomplished for sure! I got sunburned too...

Part Two of this Blah day: One year ago today, my Dad lost all hope and took his own life. What a traumatic experience. I will never forget that phone call and my utter disbelief as I asked as many identifying questions as I could to make sure they were talking about John Boswell, my Dad. This year has flown by. I feel like I was in a fog for most of it and can't believe my little Lincoln is over 1 year old now. It is amazing how a single event, and the aftermath that follows, can color your life for such a long period of time. My perspective of those who choose to leave this life has dramatically changed from what I used to think.

But, as I said in an earlier post: Come what may, and love it. Much was accomplished today and I feel loads of pounds lighter because of getting rid of so much stuff. And, I will choose to remember the good times when I think about my Dad. A special Thank You to those who said kind words today. Most people don't know what to say, but silence is usually worse, so thanks, again. Happy Saturday everyone!

Boo Hoo

There's nothing quite as humbling as going through all of your possessions, trying to decide what is truly essential, and then selling the rest in hopes of being able to make your house payment for the month. And my dear, sweet husband is selling his coin collection, too. It saddens me to my core. But, really, these material things don't matter one bit.

I'm grateful for the good man that I married; for my healthy, lively children; for the roof over our heads; for the food in our pantries; for the good friends I have; for all of my family; and especially for the knowledge that I have of WHY I'm here and WHAT my purpose in life is.

Come What May and Love It

To borrow a quote from Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come what may, and love it." This is tough to live by, especially for people like me who have 2 particular short-comings (among many others). One is that I like to know what is going to happen. Happy surprises, I like, but the scary/unknown, I don't. We are in a state of limbo right now, wondering how things are possibly going to improve and it is mentally draining. Because a side-effect of wanting to know what is going to happen is WORRY. Constant worrying.

My second short-coming is that I like to have control. My Mom has told me that when I was a baby and she'd try to rock me, I wouldn't just lie back, relax and let her do the rocking. I would rock my own body, trying to force my mom to rock the speed I wanted. Well, I'm still much like that today. I know what we need and I try with all my might to make it happen. It is so hard to RELAX and TRUST in my Heavenly Father, that he knows and sees all and that He knows what is best for me and my family. It is definitely the refiners fire. But, there are days that I can feel myself being "refined", and days that I get pretty angry and I'm pretty gritty and rough.

Last night, I reached a breaking point. The 3 youngest boys were in the tub and I asked for someone to bring me some towels. Mark brought me one, because that was all he could find. I told him that there were clean towels still in the dryer. Well, they were clean, but still wet. We've been having troubles with the dryer uh, drying. I usually have to add more time once the first dry cycle is done. It can take 90 minutes or more to dry a load. So, believe it or not, THIS pushed me over the edge. I felt so angry about those darn towels, and the venom spread and it spread quickly.

I then became mad about pretty much EVERYTHING: all of our broken or poorly working appliances; the never-ending work I do around the house; boys not being able to aim directly into the toilet; the piles of bills that we can't pay; children who fight.all.the.time; broken sprinklers-and therefore, dying patches of grass; Mark's partially done room; leaks in the basement; piles of stuff accumulating for the yard-sale; a biting baby; and the list goes on.

I went to bed angry. I woke up angry today. Then I decided to do what I DO have control over and that is pray and search the scriptures. After I did so, I was reminded of the talk by Elder Wirthlin, and read it again. He counsels those of us (and isn't it really all of us at one time or another?) who are struggling with adversity, 4 things.

One, learn to laugh. I am getting better at this one. But, usually the humor shows up AFTER the fact, not during. But, when my kids are misbehaving, or I'm overwhelmed, I break out into song and try to make it silly. It almost always works to get the kids to behave, because they take their focus off of one another and shift it to me, and wonder why Mom has gone crazy...again.

Two, seek for the eternal. When we realize/remember that our Savior has suffered through every kind of affliction on behalf of all of us, we know that we can turn to Him for comfort, because He knows how to comfort us. He has experienced our pain. When we keep the eternal perspective that "the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to all of us", it can help us realize that we're not being picked on. Everyone experiences hardships. And if we can remember that our experience is just a brief time, compared with eternity, and is a test...to teach us and help us grow and learn, we can avoid feeling like all hope is lost.

Three, remember the principle of compensation. "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." I heard this talk literally 1 week before discovering that I was pregnant AGAIN. I had lost a baby a few months before and was pregnant with Lincoln. When I found out my exciting news, that we were expecting, I remembered Elder Wirthlin's talk and I was overwhelmed because I had the personal experience to know that what he said was true.

And finally, four, trust in the Father and the Son. "God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son. The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in."

"He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong."

I know that these things are true, and yet I have moments like last night, where I have "spiritual amnesia". But, thankfully, somehow I am always reminded of the truth and I get myself back on track. I know that things will work out how they should, and once this particular trial is all over, I will look back and see all that I have learned and all that I have become because of this hardship.

*All quotes are from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's conference address Oct 2008.

Here's To a Better August

If you've ever seen the movie "Where The Heart Is", or read the book, you know that the main character, Novalee, is superstitious about the number 5. Well folks, I am a bit superstitious about the month of August.

August 1995: My ex-husband filed for divorce.

August 1999: Due to some personal problems, I had to withdraw from BYU and quickly move off campus.

August of 2002: Wynter broke her femur either jumping or falling off of the top bunk of a bunk bed. She was 18 months old. I was 38 weeks pregnant with Hunter at the time.

August 2005: Due to unforseen circumstances, we had to move abruptly.

August 2008: I had a miscarriage.

August 2009: Mark got into some trouble (big trouble). My Dad committed suicide.

But, when I look on the "bright side", I can see that a lot of these bad things resulted in a wonderful blessing.

1. I no longer am married to someone who was not right for me and ended up with John, who is my soul mate.
2. In August of 2002, I gave birth to Hunter, who was my sweetest, easiest baby. Although it was a trial to have Wynter in a body cast AND a brand new baby, it was also a time that I learned a few lessons about what is really important in my life.
3. Although having a miscarriage was very sad and difficult, I now can show empathy to others who may go through the same thing and I ended up getting pregnant with Lincoln soon after and had a very easy, uncomplicated pregnancy.
4. Although the trouble Mark got into was not good, I think he learned a lesson or two, as did I.
5. My father's suicide will always haunt me. But I find comfort in the belief that I have that he is in a better place and he is no longer sick (mentally and physically).

With all that said, however, I really hope that August goes by without a hitch (other than the typical stress/difficulties that come with raising a family and such). I'm hoping my yard-sale nightmare will be over, along with a very de-cluttered home. School will be back in session 3 weeks from today. (Yeah and boo!) We'll get back into a routine. And best of all, Hunter will be turning 8 and will be baptized.

Here's to a better August!

The Witching Hour

From the minute I woke up yesterday I was busy. And, to top it off, I had 4 additional children at my house throughout the day.

I woke up with one of those dang caffeine-withdrawal induced headaches. I felt like I was dragging...like I needed a jump start. Well, since we have no diet Coke in the house, this jump start had to come from somewhere else. Around 10am, the jumpstart came. I remembered that my visiting teachers were headed over in about 30 minutes and I had a hot flash as I looked in the front room and saw a HUGE mess and a big 16 year old boy asleep on the couch. This got my blood pumping. I kicked Mark out and proceeded to clean in a crazed hurry.

My visiting teachers are 2 sweet old ladies with wisdom seeping from their pores. One of them always brings me some sort of treat,too. We visited for about 30 minutes. I love talking to women who have been-there, done-that. One of the sisters had 8 children and her husband had passed away when her youngest was very small. She also never re-married and raised some pretty good kids on her own. One of her daughters is a friend of mine and is a wonderful example to me. Their visit was a great start to my day, I felt enriched and cared for. But now it was nearing lunch time, and I was still in my pjs. (Yes, don't judge me).

The rest of my day was full of driving kids here and there, working on yard sale preparation, laundry, sandwich-making, breaking up fights, doing more laundry and not taking a shower. (Yes, please don't judge me). Then the witching hour began...otherwise known as between 5-6pm.

If you ever want to see a crazy lady in action, please stop by unannounced at my house around this time. But, I'm warning you, I won't ever talk to you again. (Hee Hee). NO, seriously, I won't. I was trying to make dinner. I was in the kitchen alone and everyone was preoccupied with something else. While I was browning some beef on the stove, I decided to make a very important phone call. If you happened to read my blog a few days ago, or if you're a mom you'll know that when you're on the phone your kids suddenly need you immediately! I kid you not. I instantly had a 1 year old hanging on my leg whining; my oldest son and his friend decided this would be a good time to ring the door bells (both of them, we have one in front and one in back) at the same time and then run around the house; two of my boys came in the kitchen (probably because they smelled food cooking) and demanded to know what was for dinner and how long it was going to take; all while I was trying to have a grown-up, mature, important conversation on the phone.

I definitely got a good arm workout yesterday as I waved my hands and arms madly in the air in an attempt to get everyone to please leave me alone! All while trying to maintain a calm, sweet, mature voice on the phone. I'm telling you, I must look just ridiculous to my kids, because they never take the arm-waving seriously. I finally had to lock myself in the bathroom (while dinner burned). And yes, I had knocks on the door, but I plopped myself in the bathtub so I could be as far from the door as possible. *sigh*

Thankfully, dinner didn't burn too bad and I did get an important issue squared away on the phone. The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful and then I crashed in bed and slept like a baby. But, I learned that maybe I should not try to do anything other than make dinner during the witching hour. I really should have planned better. Oh well...

Friendly Mom Tip #46

If you get up to make a sandwich for one child, it would be wise to ask if anyone else wants one. Otherwise, you may find yourself getting up, getting all the sandwich supplies out, making a sandwich, putting all the stuff away and wiping the counter, 3 additional times. Trust me, I know.

Ahhh...Children

I have been very busy lately. I am preparing for a much needed yard sale and have set the date for August 7th. Yikes! I hope I'm ready. Seriously, with the kids, the house, preparing meals, a bout with the stomach flu for 5 of the 6 children, Pioneer Day festivities, dropping off/picking up the big kids from various activities, working on the yard, and all the other tasks that mothers do, I am finding it hard to get all of this yard sale preparation done. I am now down to less than 2 weeks to get ready and I still have part of the kitchen, the front room, the entire basement, AND the garage to go through. And, you know what? I haven't even procrastinated. I set myself a 4 week schedule (after a couple months of procrastination), but it has been extremely difficult to stick with it! I'm done with the tv room, the mudroom, the boys' room, and part of the kitchen. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted!

Which brings me to my topic...I have been so busy, that I've tried to sneak in some time to REST. Doesn't seem so difficult, does it? Well, guess again. My kids will be busy doing X, Y, or Z, completely oblivious to me and the stuff I'm trying to do, UNTIL I sit down, put my feet up and look comfortable. Then wham-o, all of the sudden they need something from me!

And, they also seem to NOT NOTICE my existence until I'm on the phone. Then ALL of them need something that only I can provide (in their opinion). And forget about going to the bathroom in peace. I get typically 2-6 knocks on the door everytime. Pretty soon I'll be like Pavlov's dogs and may involuntarily pee when I hear knocking.

So, I have deduced that the best way to get my children's attention is to A) get comfortable, B) get on the phone or C) go to the bathroom.

My Love/Hate Relationships...

The idea for this post came from the fact that I am trying VERY hard to ween myself off of diet Coke. I grew up never drinking soda with caffeine, but when I became an "adult", I began to partake...I have been a diet Coke drinker ever since, with the occassional breaks during which I was pregnant or nursing. So...


I love diet coke.
I hate the need to have one daily (and the headaches as I'm trying to break this habit).

I love staying up late and enjoying some peace and quiet.
I hate waking up the next day and feeling like a zombie.

I love having a clean house.
I hate cleaning...especially after others (ahem, children) who don't notice or appreciate it and can turn our clean house into a mess in 17 seconds flat.

I love to eat.
I hate cooking. And doing dishes. And cooking. Oh, and gaining weight.

I love playing Word Challenge on facebook.
I hate thinking/dreaming about all the words I can make with the same six letters. (Did you know that with the letters i-f-b-r-e-s, you can spell fibres, fibers, briefs, brief, fiber, fibre, ires, sir, sire, rise, ribs, fires, fries, fire, fibs, fib....see what I mean?)

I love owning our own home.
I hate having to fix our own home. (We currently have a room that is missing the lower 1/3 of 2 of it's walls-due to a leaking waterheater, a nasty leak that has made part of the ceiling in the downstairs bathroom fall off, a door that doesn't shut quite right, flooring that needs to be put in...this list just goes on, but I don't want to make myself, or more accurately, John depressed because, let's face it, he's the one who does all the fixin' around here.)

I love summertime because the kids are home from school and we have a flexible schedule.
I hate summertime because the kids are home from school, we have a flexible schedule and it's sooooo HOT, they'd rather stay indoors and, you guessed it, make a mess in 17 seconds flat.

I love to read.
I hate it when the good book I'm reading comes to an end and then I don't know what to read next.

I love being an adult. I can do what I want.
I hate being an adult. I have to be responsible and I have a TON of stress!!

I love blogging.
I hate not knowing what to write about that's worthwhile.

I love my children.
I hate that they are all growing up so fast.

I love my husband.
I hate that I can't spend more time with him.

I love Reese's Peanutbutter Cups.
I hate that the rest of my family loves them too, so they don't last long around here.

Yep, this list is pretty silly. There's always the bad with the good, though, and I'm trying to focus on the good. Focus on the LOVE. Okay, that's so lame, but it's my post and I'm sticking to it.

Mom-Speak Decoded

"Do you know what time it is?" means..."I know what time it is and it's not early!"

"I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." means..."I'm angry AND disappointed."

"Why? Because I said so!" means..."I have no idea why."

"If all your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you do it too?" means..."I'm becoming my mother and it's all your fault!"

"Go ask your father!" means..."Could you pick on someone else for a while?"

"Maybe." means..."I'm too lazy/distracted/tired/frustrated to answer that question right now."

"Maybe tomorrow." means..."Hopefully you'll forget this question by tomorrow."

"What are you doing?" means "I know exactly what you're doing, but I just need a minute so I don't kill you."

"Just a minute." means..."Eventually."

"I love you!" means... "I love you!"

My Husband ROCKS!

Somewhere I've heard this bit of marriage advice...(I'm paraphrasing, because my memory sucks these days), "The secret to a good marriage is to put the happiness of your spouse before your own happiness." Amen to that. I'm not great at this, but I sure try. But, John, he is awesome at this and I love him to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, forever and always.

Yesterday I knew by 9 am that the day was going to stink and stink BAD! I was balancing our checkbook and comparing it with my online statement and OH NO! We were overdrawn by alot. It scared me. It worried me. I also had not gotten a lot of sleep the night before and had a wicked headache. I went downstairs to wake up John. Now, mind you, John works to 2:30 am, gives a co-worker a ride home to a neighboring town, then heads home and spends some time winding down. This means that when I woke him at up 9am, he had probably slept about 4 or 5 hours. Poor guy. But, I told him about the money situation and he said he'd take care of it (which he did). Then, I guess because I had his undivided attention (all the kids were upstairs), I ranted for nearly 30 minutes. And he just listened. I complained about money, friends, the kids, my weight, the messy house...etc. When I was done, he just looked at me and smiled. Then he said, "I love you."

And to top it all off, a couple of days ago, John took "New Moon" to work to read while the parts he is making run. Let me just say, most men are idiots. His co-workers gave him the hardest time about this. Can you say "moron"? Yep, that's what they are...or as John called them, "uncultured swine." Ha ha. Anyway, he read "Twilight" awhile ago to see what all the fuss was about. He's also taken me to all 3 movies and gone to Walmart at 12am to buy the movies for me right when they came out. So, because I asked him to, he's reading the rest of the books. Can you say "Yowzaa"? He is so studly to me because of this. Those guys at work are a bunch of so-called "machismos", but they don't know what a real man is.

A real man changes diapers. A real man hugs his kids. A real man takes his daughters on dates. A real man reads his wife's favorite books and goes to chick flicks. A real man tears up when he teaches his family from the scriptures. A real man works his butt off to support his family. A real man lets his wife sleep in on Sundays. A real man won't let his wife get a job. A real man plays with the baby. A real man gives his wife a hug and asks how he can help when he comes home to a messy home. A real man says, "I love you" to his wife and kids daily. A real man lets his wife rant and doesn't give advice unless she asks him to. And guess what? I have a real man. And I'll love him forever...

I Think I'm Growing Up!!

Before I had children, I was so smart and I knew everything. I was so grown up!! Parenting shmarenting. I read all the latest parenting books while I was pregnant with Mark. I thought to myself, "This isn't so hard, I know exactly what I'll do!" But then Mark was born and I had a brain hemorrhage of knowledge. I became pretty stupid, let's just be honest. I had no idea what I was doing! I panicked everytime he cried and swore I was done having children.

I was a hyperactive mother. Everything had to be just so. Mark wore perfectly matched clothes, with his hair combed to exactness. I followed a perfectly devised schedule each day. All meal times and nap times and bedtimes were scheduled. I followed the experts advice and put Mark in time-out for the exact minutes equal to his age. NO spanking...heaven forbid.

Back then, my home was pretty clean, too. "A place for everything and everything in it's place", as the saying goes. Toys consisted of one little basketful. Laundry consisted of 3 or 4 loads per week. I finally got into the swing of things...I was feeling pretty smart again. And then I had Savannah.

Then Wynter, then Hunter, then Micah and then Lincoln. I've just kept getting more and more stupid with each child. They are each so very different! And, needless to say, things around here have changed a bit, too.

Perfectly matched clothes? HA HA!! I'm just glad they get dressed! My kids dress themselves and who knows what outfits they will come up with! And hair combed to exactness? Whatever. And a schedule? I try to have consistency, but the only thing that is consistent is that nothing is ever consistent! Dinner is at the same time each night, but as for the other meals, it's survival of the fittest. If you can't make a sandwich by yourself, you better learn how and learn fast. (I do feed the baby, he's pretty helpless that way.) And spanking? I admit, I have/do...but rarely and when it is VERY necessary.

Toys consist of a closet full. Laundry is 14 loads per week. I can't find things a lot of the times, so although I do have a place for everything...nothing ever gets put back!! So, if you're into cleanliness, please call and give me 24 hours notice so that I can have things ready for your visit.

But, here's where the grown-up part comes in...It doesn't matter. The "perfectness" doesn't matter. The more children I've had, the dumber I've gotten in some ways, but the more grown-up I've become in other ways. For example, the other day we went to the park as a family. It had rained that day and there was a HUGE puddle just begging to be splashed in. And Micah did just that! And I didn't care. And, today, we were outside working on the yard and the sprinkler was on. It created a puddle in the sidewalk...a nice muddy puddle that Lincoln plopped his little self in. And I didn't care. He was having fun. You may be wondering if I just didn't care because I'm too darn tired. Nope. And while I'm on a roll here, I will just say that, yes, Lincoln has eaten a bug or two, and yes, my kids eat in front of the tv, and yes, I have taken Micah to the store in the summer while he's wearing shorts and snowboots, and yes, I will neglect the laundry from time to time until it is so tall the kids can pretend it's Mt. Everest. But, really, who cares?? I think that over the past 16 years of parenting, I'm finally realizing what is important.

I realize that one day I will miss this. I will miss the wet shoes and the wet muddy little body. I will miss the noise and the chaos that always seems to occur while I'm making dinner or I'm on the phone. I will miss the messes. I will miss the "why" questions from my curious 7 year old and the "what if" questions from my 16year old. I will miss all the little things that make up my life. This is it. Life IS in the details. I've learned to relax ALOT over the years and enjoy it all more.

And I've also learned in Whom I can trust. My loving Heavenly Father. He is always there. I can rely on Him to get me through the tough spots. I can rely on Him to help me through the day when I didn't get much sleep the night before. I can rely on Him to guide me to the answers when I have questions. Through Him and through my Savior, all things are possible and manageable. I can do all things with His help. And yes, I truly believe that "...Men/women are that they might have joy." (Nephi 2:25)

So, look at me, I'm growing up...and it's pretty nice.

Some Pictures

Fun at the Pond




Micah by the pond




Teeter-totter fun



Wynter




Micah in the pond




Lincoln likes to point




Lincoln and his leaf-he carried it around for about 30 minutes at the park




Lincoln and Daddy by the pond

I'm Just Rambling Today...

Disclaimer: This post is purely my opinion. I am not advising anyone to do anything. I am simply writing about how I'm feeling and some of the thoughts that have come to me. Please do not take offense if anything I've written seems judgemental of your circumstances. Read at your own risk!! (LOL) It's also very long, you may want to go to the bathroom first...

Due to the present circumstances, I've had to take a closer look at my life and I've realized that I need to make changes. Finances are tight, but when I scurry about trying to find a job, I believe it shows my lack of faith in my Heavenly Father, as well as a lack of faith in John. I know that Heavenly Father's plan is for husbands to provide and wives to care for their children. So, I need to trust in Him and John. I think I undermine John and it shows lack of confidence in him when I try to fix those things that aren't mine to fix.

I've also realized what IS in my realm of control. That is, HOW and HOW MUCH money is spent. If being at home with my kids is the goal, then it makes how I spend money rather easy. It is time to cancel cable again, and perhaps the internet. (Although John checks on the workforce services website daily for job leads.) It's time to forego the little things that add up, such as diet Coke and renting movies. But I'm actually really okay with it. Nothing is more important to me than raising my own kids.

Today, Mark was asking for a cell phone. Honestly, it irks me that his friends have cell phones because then he believes he needs one. So, I was very frank with him. I told him that I could go get a job so that he could have "stuff", but that I prefer being at home with him and his siblings. He apologized and told me he loved me. (Priceless.)

We definitely live in the time of "me." I've been sucked into the false ideas of these times. Supposedly, women can "have it all." I say, "I don't think so." It's about choices. I choose to be a mom. There was a time, when I was a single mom, that I had to work and attend school. I feel like, because those circumstances weren't under my control, Heavenly Father helped me out and Mark and Savannah came through that time alright. But now that I've got a helpmeet, things have changed. When my kids are grown up and gone, things will change again.

I've realized that although I am a great multi-tasker when it comes to piggy-backing household chores, I am not so good at it when it comes to more important things in life. I have decided that instead of doing things all at once, I have to do them one at a time. For example, I am no good at working and raising kids. Nor am I any good at attending school and raising kids. One or the other suffers. Since being remarried, I have attempted working a couple of times and attempted going back to school 3 or 4 times. But each time, my kids paid the price of having less of me, and when they got me, I was very stressed. More power to moms out there who can do more than one thing, but I can't. My kids suffer too much, and it's not okay with me. School can wait. I can go to school anytime, and I'm okay with that. Raising my kids is NOW, it can't wait. This is their time.

My husband is such a good example of not living his life for himself. If he were to have the job of his dreams, he wouldn't be able to support us, but he'd be having the time of his life. He works in a field that is not his first choice. The job is a means to an end. He doesn't live for his job, he lives for us. Where does it say that we have to have a job that we love? My husband is responsible. He goes to work so that he can take care of us. Of course, there is nothing wrong with having a job you love, but it absolutely is not necessary.

For me, my life is about my family. It is about hard work. I think that I got pretty comfortable and careless. I began to buy into the notion that having things would make me happy. I would gladly give up any and all material possessions to be home with my kids. The situation that we are in isn't entirely our fault, but certainly, I can take a good look and see where our responsibility lies.

I guess, in a way, that I am glad for this hard time. It has most definitely given me perspective. It makes me realize how much I need to simplify my life. We are having a big yard sale soon, not only to earn some much needed money, but to get rid of excess. More is not better. Eliminating cable will be welcomed by me. We've gone through periods without it during our marriage and, looking back, I can see that those times were much better times. It is a distraction.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day. We talked about distractions. It really got me thinking. I think that one of the best tools Satan has for destroying individuals and the family is getting them to be distracted. There is television, the internet, iphones and ipads, clothing fads, food trends, magazines, books, music, activities, and more, that can take so much of our time and devotion, that we don't have time for the BEST things to fit into our lives. This is so true in the case of my family. We read scriptures together tonight for the first time in months and I knew that what we were doing was right. I've been missing that, WE'VE being missing that in our lives. And I've been thinking about what else we've been missing.

In primary, we've been talking a lot about hearing the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. How can we hear Him when we are so distracted? How are those teaching moments with my children going to happen if we are glued to the tv, not even interacting with each other? It can't happen. I can see in my children that they seem to have the need to be entertained. I can see that I need to be a better example. We need to have quiet. We need unscheduled time. During undistracted, quiet time is when magical, wonderful moments happen.

For awhile, I felt such guilt because we haven't been able to have all of our kids involved in some extracurricular activity. I felt that maybe somehow we were limiting their ability to develop talents. I see moms dragging their kids to this lesson, or this game, or this class and I would wonder if I was somehow short-changing my children. But, I've since realized that I am not. Talents come in many forms.

I know that the choices I make are not popular. Having a big family is not the norm. Over the internet, I have met others who are like-minded and some who have much larger families than mine. I am so glad to have found these kindred spirits who understand why we've chosen to invest in family and not in things. When life gets tough, and sometimes quite unbearable, I remind myself that family is the only thing that you can take with you, besides your own experience and knowledge, when you leave this life. To be quite honest, just as some may look at me and wonder why I would want 6 (or more) children, I look at those with 1 or 2 and wonder why they would only want that many. I don't know their circumstances and I really shouldn't wonder, but I do.

Today, I have been bombarded with many thoughts (can you tell?). I am so glad that I have a Heavenly Father who is aware of me and who, I believe, whispers to me through the Holy Ghost these nuggets of truth and thought. I don't have it all figured out. I'm still really scared about our future and my faith is somewhat shaky, but I know that if I stand firm and do what is right, everything will work out somehow.

Much Needed Time, After Much Needed Work

Starting about 6 or 7 weeks ago, John has been able to work overtime nearly every weekend. It has been a much needed blessing! But, with those long hours comes a lot of longing for him by me and the kids. We really miss him. So, this weekend, we spent a lot of time together and we had loads of fun.

Friday night after dinner, we "did fireworks." This consisted of some poppits and sparklers. Then, John and the 3 (Wynter, Hunter and Micah), slept out on the trampoline while Mark and his friend, Max, slept up in the treehouse. Savannah, Lincoln and I slept indoors. Hey, I'm no dummy--or maybe I'm just not adventerous; Lincoln is a baby; and Savannah? Well, she had no place to sleep, so decided to stay inside. The kids thought it was great. As for John? Uh, not so much. He was the only one without bug spray on and had to swat a few mosquitos during the night. The kids laughed at him in the morning when they discovered 2 smashed mosquitos on his forehead.

Saturday, John and I went on a quick date and then, when we got back, decided to have a family activity. We loaded into the suburban and headed to Provo Canyon where we parked and walked to Bridal Veil Falls. We took our shoes off and some of us just sat by the water with our feet dangling, while others (Wynter and Micah) decided to try to climb up the waterfall. Micah didn't make it too far, but Wynter did and we had to call her back. I didn't take my camera (darn it!) so I have no photos. But, let the record show, it was a success. No one complained! Then we came home and had some corn on the cob and watermelon for dinner and it was surprisingly filling!

Then on Sunday, after church (which gets out at 4pm), we had a simple dinner of sandwiches. Then we followed tradition and watched "Funniest Home Videos" together. We had rented "Where the Red Fern Grows" and watched that as a family while eating popcorn that I had popped on the stove (another tradition). Yum-o! My mom had purchased some ginormous marshmallows for us and we decided to toast (and burn) them over the grill outside. The kids had so much fun doing this. We then used the rest of our poppits and sparklers.









Once kids were bathed and all were in bed, John and I talked about what a great day and weekend it had been. We didn't do anything really fancy or expensive, but the time we spent together was priceless! I am so glad we had this weekend to be together and replenish the feelings of love and togetherness that we had been missing. I love my family!

When It Rains, It Pours...Or It Could Just Be Your Water Heater Leaking

A lot has happened lately...a lot of crap, that is. Or, more accurately, a lot of water. Since school got out, Mark has been spending a lot of time sleeping upstairs instead of downstairs in the basement (where his room is, just in case you were wondering). Because of this, we didn't notice that our water heater had been leaking and leaking and leaking...Let's just say that by the time we realized what was happening, Mark's carpet was soaked and the legs of his desk had grown some fuzz. Thankfully, it did not wander any further, like into our bedroom or our storage room. Phew! I am also so thankful to know a man in our ward who fixes that kind of stuff and he helped us out. Thank you, Brother Bohne.

We called our insurance and will be getting that squared away, but in the meantime, Mark is permanently sleeping upstairs and will hopefully just move into his new bedroom upstairs. It will then be Wynter's wait to move into the moldy bedroom downstairs (after we get it all fixed, of course). Poor girl. She shares a room with 2 boys. Two very gross boys (her words). Need I say more?

Then, about a week ago, it was very windy. We have several very, very large/tall trees in our yard. When it gets windy like that, we move all vehicles out of the driveway. From past experience, we know that limbs fall and they break stuff they fall on (go figure)! In fact, it had been windy for a couple of days and we had 2 very large limbs fall; one in our back yard and one in our front yard. But, on this particular day, the limb fell onto our neighbor's roof. Nah dang!!! John went over and assessed the damage and it looked like it just took off a shingle. But the neighbors would like us to have a professional look at it anyway. Ho hum...

And finally, we own a Kirby vacuum. I was going through at least 1 vacuum per year and I wanted a vacuum that was more reliable and that REALLY sucked! The Kirby has been a wonderful vacuum. It has lasted 7 years. But a few weeks ago, it began shooting sparks out from the engine when it was first turned on. And now? Well now, it still sparks, but in order to get it to turn on, you have to jiggle and fiddle with the head to get it to start. So, you turn it on and nothing happens...then you fiddle...(near where the sparks shoot out)and then it turns on after 2 trys of fiddling? or maybe 3? or maybe 5? You never know and so when it comes on, IT. IS. STARTLING. And then WATCH OUT! You could be shocked, too. Good times.

Isn't there some kind of rule? Experience 3 bad things and you'll get 1 really good thing? There's got to be some kind of rule like that somewhere. I'm sure of it.

Lincoln Eli

Lincoln, 1 day old



Tomorrow, June 9th, Lincoln will be 1 year old!

It all began when I got pregnant in May of 2008. We were so excited because Micah was 3 and we were REALLY ready to have another child. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 11 weeks. It was devastating. I found out while John was away with Mark on a scout canoeing trip. During that same week, our basement flooded, I shocked myself while attempting to vacuum up the water with the shop vac, and a huge tree limb fell on our suburban breaking the passenger side mirror as well as the antenna. Those other things were nothing, though, compared to losing a child. I had to have a D & C because the baby wouldn't miscarry on it's own.

After consulting with our midwife and also the ob/gyn doctor, we decided to wait a cycle and try again. I got pregnant immediately in September of 2008, with an EDD of June 12, 2009. At about 7 weeks, I began to bleed. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and knew it was not good. I went to the hospital and had my hcg levels tested. They were pretty high, which was very reassuring. Then, they tested again to see if the levels would drop (indicating a miscarriage) or rise (indicating a growing/developing baby). I went in for the second test and found out the next day that the levels had dropped quite a bit. The nurse was so sweet, but told me the truth: it didn't look good. I was scheduled to have an ultrasound two days later to confirm the bad news.

During this second blood test and results, John was gone again. This time he was hunting. I was in shock. I couldn't reach him by cell phone because he was in the middle of nowhere. I called my mom and she arranged for me to have a priesthood blessing with her home teachers. I went, desparately needing the comfort that can come with such blessings.

Before the blessing was given, I explained that I was having a 2nd miscarriage and that I was seeking comfort. As the blessing was given, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was told that the baby would be fine. It would be healthy and strong. I guess I don't have much faith, because after the home teachers left, I said to my mom, "Did they hear what I said? I'm losing this baby! I needed comfort, not false hope!!" I was actually upset. Oh me of little faith!

Two days later at the ultrasound, it was true. He was fine. He had a beating heart. Unfortunately, what most likely happened, is that I miscarried a twin. I don't really think about it much. It is sad, but I am so grateful that Lincoln was healthy and IS healthy. The rest of my pregnancy went without incidence.

Since having Wynter, (labor lasted less than 3 hours), I opt for being induced. I really don't want to have a baby at home or in the car. We planned to have Lincoln induced on June 9th. I went in and had my doses of antibiotic (I have group B strep). Then the midwife came in to check me and to begin the pitocin. I was 6 cm dilated. No need to be induced! Lincoln was to be born on June 9th, induction or no induction. A couple of hours later, he was here!! The darn baby had his hand up on his face, which made it tougher to get him out, but he was healthy and all was well!!

Lincoln is a very sweet-natured boy. I called him my "easy baby", but I now don't think of him that way. He has a very stubborn and determined personality (which he gets from his father, hee hee). Oh boy, he can sure cause trouble. He likes to get into the recycling bin, eat everything (even dead flies in the window sill), squirm and get away when you're trying to get him diapered or dressed, "pet" (more like beat) the cat, step on your face if you're lying on the couch so he can look out the window, pull anything he can reach off of the desk or the table, nearly drown himself in the bathtub because he won't sit still, crawl under the car when we're playing outside, chew on the remote, wrestle with/attack his brothers, and crawl onto the desk from the couch so he can "type" (more like beat) on the keyboard.

I can't imagine my life without him. I love my little Linky Bear! Happy Birthday sweetie!! We love you!!

Lincoln, now

Moments Like These...

In our family, we talk about "poopy cookies". We use this phrase when referring to a movie that "just has one little bad part in it", or a book that needs "just one chapter to be skipped." The book may be great or the movie a must-see, but what about the "crap" that is in them? They are poopy cookies. If I were to give you the yummiest chocolate chip cookie and there was one piece of cat poop (or any other variety of poop) in it, would you eat it? I wouldn't!

I admit that although I would absolutely NOT eat a poopy cookie, I have seen those kinds of movies and read those kinds of books. Ho-hum, just another thing I need to work on.

But, my point for bringing this up, is to relate the poopy cookie to my life. A lot of times my life is wonderful with just spots of poop (trials, tribulations---you know, the hard stuff). But, unfortunately it can be more like a poop cookie with one sweet and yummy spot. So, when something really great happens, I want to remember it to help me get through the rough spots.

Life has been tough lately. We have more bills than we have money, John has had no luck in finding another job, the water heater is leaking, and so is one spot down in the basement, (I could go on, but enough about the crap). But then, a really wonderful moment occurred last week that I want to remember.

It was Saturday night (May 29th). The day had been fairly busy with all of us buzzing about doing chores, the kids then playing outside and John working on Mark's room. I was in the kitchen, washing the big dishes by hand. I had just made banana bread and it was baking in the oven. There I was, standing at the sink. I could see out into the backyard. At that moment, I could smell the banana bread baking, I could see Wynter in the backyard having a tug-o-war with Pluto over her shoe, I could hear Savannah playing with Lincoln and hear his shrieks of delight. I could hear Micah and John working and talking in the garage (soon to be Mark's room), Mark was playing on the computer and Hunter was "thinking" in the front room. In this moment, I felt such happiness and joy. We were all home, just doing this or that, but I felt such gratefulness in that moment. I was overwhelmed with the love I have for my family.

If that wasn't enough, a few minutes later Mark came into the kitchen. He said (I'm paraphrasing), "Mom, I was on the computer and I could hear you doing the dishes, I could smell the banana bread, I could hear Dad working on my room, and I just felt so happy, because I knew I was home." And then it happened. I cried. I hugged him and I hugged all my other kids. It was a good experience. Although, they all thought I had lost it, and might need to be admitted to the psych ward.

I needed this night, this moment. I've been hanging on to it, to help me get through the rough stuff this week. That night was definitely a huge chocolate chip in my crap cookie. But, the more I think of that night and the love I have for my kids and husband, the more I'm thinking that life is pretty sweet. It has so much to do with my attitude and having the right perspective on things.

John has had the opportunity to work some overtime at Klune, and it has helped. Somehow we're getting by. I can acknowledge that the Lord has blessed us. I am thankful for that. I've been cooking from scratch a lot lately, and have cut way back on my diet Coke consumption. We've been paying our tithing for 5 weeks now, and I feel we have been blessed for that.

I am so thankful for my knowledge of the plan of salvation. I know my purpose and why we are here. Sometimes life makes me forget. (Or, more accurately, I choose to "forget" because I'm busy with life). I can see little moments of inspiration that I've had over the past couple of weeks that have brought me back to having that eternal perspective that we all need to endure well.

I know that life won't be easy, but that this is all worth it. It's all about perspective, and counting blessings. I will count some of my blessings now...

1. My husband. He is a hard worker. He has a job that is not in his field and that he doesn't particularly enjoy, but he works hard and does provide for us. He's positive and optimistic. He is fun to be around and he's my best friend.

2. My kids. My husband and kids are all I get to take with me after this life. I love them all so much. This is what life is about. Everything I do, I do it for them.

3. "The moment" I had Saturday night.

4. My calling as primary teacher. Teaching those little children, teaches me. I love sitting in sharing time and singing songs that re-teach me the basics of the gospel and remind me of what it is all about.

5.Good friends. I'm thankful for my friends who have the same values as I do, and who are uplifting to be around.

I'll stop here. But, I just may try to list a few things I'm thankful for each day, to keep that perspective.

Mark Is 16 Today!

Wow, I know it is cliche to say it, but time has flown. I can't believe that Mark is 16 today. When Mark was born, I exclaimed, "My baby, my baby, this is my baby!" I was so happy. I felt such joy.

Mark was a difficult baby. He had colic for the first few months of his life. We were both in tears quite often. But, he sure turned out to being such a friendly and fun toddler. When Savannah was born, I was single and living with my mom, who was also single. My sister was also still living at home. Mark was the man of the house with the four of us girls (poor guy), but he killed spiders and "protected" us girls as best he could.

Mark would stand up on the deck in the front yard and look over the fence. He would wave and chat with anyone who would walk by. It's amazing to me that he was like that because now he is so shy! People were so enamored by his blond hair, his bright blue eyes and his sweet smile.

Mark has always been very talkative with me, telling me very detailed and long stories. He has a very vivid imagination as well. He's also a very talented artist. I am so impressed with his abilities to draw and create. He not only creates pictures, but he writes stories, too.

I feel a deep and strong connection to Mark. When I was a single Mom, it was just he and I until Savannah was born. He used to snuggle with me at night and I'd read to him, book after book after book. We went to the park, went for walks, and spent so much time together.

When Savannah was born, he loved her so much. He was such a good little helper. He is very good with all of his siblings. He's not a diaper changer, but he loves to tickle and play with them. He and Savannah are very close. Hours after they are supposed to be in bed asleep, I will find them talking in Savannah's room.

Mark is a great son. He has his moments, but mostly he is very helpful and has a happy disposition. I am pleased with his accomplishments. But, more so, I am pleased with who he is. He is kind, funny, smart, creative, thoughtful, and he has a testimony of the gospel.

Mark, I love you!! Happy Birthday!























Self Portrait